I started a new journal, since I gave Corrben my old one. I think it fits, since I've left a lot of what is in the journal behind me, and now I'm starting a new life. I really don't know what I've gotten myself into. I knew that it was too soon to jump into another relationship, I knew that and I did it anyway.
I miss him. He understood me completely just by how I turned my body or how I looked at him or how I motioned and waved my hands. Eordion can't understand at all, not matter how hard I try to. It's tiring to have to write out everything all the time, it truly is. But I gave Corrben Meredith's doll and my journal and it's over, and it will always be over. And I like Eordion, I really do, a whole lot. I just wish he understood me as well as Corrben or Ealbrand do.
I saw how easily he went up the tree to get that basket. And after we passed someone, who asked if I was just another one of his girlfriends, really made me think about it. And he called the last one annoying, and talked about her as if she was nothing. Am I going to end up like that? I'm not special at all, I'm probably just another girl he took to the same exact place and did the same exact thing. And the way that girl leaned on him outside, and how the other girl wanted him to come inside with her. I know I can be jealous, but he is just so.. popular.
I don't like to be the center of attention, and I don't like large groups, and I don't like to be talked to by so many people. I don't like being popular. So many people talking to me, I can't answer all of them as I wish to, and it makes it hard for me. And he likes crowds, it seems, and talking to a lot of people. You should have known, Tosie, with all that talk about spoiling you. It doesn't sound original, it sounds like something you say to every girl you lay with. I know how flirty he is. I've known him for quite some time, seen him around the Pony talking to various people.
And now he's looking at me and he doesn't even have a look on his face. It's just blank and empty and scary and I don't like it, and I don't want it.
