I started off on my reason for being here in short order.
Baradar came across us shortly after we entered the town. He joined mother and I in the inn for a cup of tea and some food. It was good to see him again. He is looking very well and I have missed talking to him. Truth be told, he is looking happier than ever I have seen him and it did not take long to find out why. Blodwynn, it seems, has agreed to wed him! Ah, but what joyous news to arrive back to! I am so happy for them both. She will make a beautiful bride, I know, and a perfect wife for him and he loves her to distraction! I shall have to make a point of returning to Bree for their wedding, whenever it may be.
I then went to visit Baecere. I think, perhaps, my timing was a little off for although it was noon, he was still in his bedroom when I arrived. When he emerged holding the hand of a lovely woman, the reason for his laziness became apparant. For the second time in as many days, I found myself recieving joyous news. Granted, this relationship of his is new and he is not getting married, but even so I find it wonderful that he has found someone at long last!
Alas for me, he was a little put-out by my having departed Bree-land without telling him, and rather unhappy that I had sent word back via Davick, who apparantly had not given a very credible message. Still, he smiled and was pleased for me when I told him my own news. At the same time, though, I wonder if he is truly happy about it. I would hate for him to be left thinking that I had no further wish or need for him and his friendship. This man who has done so much for me, shown such kindness and care, I would not desert him entirely no matter what occured. Indeed, he means the world to me now as he always has.
His woman, Earethryll seems to be a kindly sort as well. Genteel and well-mannered. I liked her, although we did not speak much. I hope that I get the chance to get to know her a little better before my inevitable return to Aughaire. She makes Raruccu happy and that makes me smile.
I returned to town after my visit to Bearn's. I had hoped to catch up with some other friends, but none were in the tavern that eve. Rather, I had the misfortune of being discovered by Drevorin.
I had had not wish to see him here. I had no wish to see him at all. I cover it well enough behind smiles, but I am still deeply hurt by what he did. Seeing him now, being in the same room, leaves me with mixed feelings. A part of me wants to slap him hard, spit at his feet and never see him again! Indeed, when he tried to stroke my hair as he used to and my response was to raise my knee to a very delicate part of his anatomy, I found myself feeling extremely satisfied.
The rest of me, though, is in distinct disagreement. I wish to be close to him again, to feel his arms around me, his lips on mine. I wish to hear him speak to me once more as he did in those private moments, shut away from the world in my room, or the day he proposed. I wish to lay my head against his chest and just listen to the loud thud of his heart.
The words he spoke to me from the beginning to the end of the conversation were cruel. He accused me of being frail, weak, pathetic and, whilst at one time it would have been true, such is no longer the case. I let his insults wash over me like water from the wing of a duck. I have heard the same so many times from other people that it no longer affects me, not to mention that I have changed since last I saw him. He still sees the fragile woman he first met, the same woman who cried in the snow for his betrayal. As ever, though, I cannot shake the feeling that there is an ulterior motive to what he says. I think he tries to make me despise him, although I know not why.
I wish that I could hate him. I wish that I did not love him still.
