You know that feeling you get when you've done something wrong, and you know it's wrong? The sinking, dreadful feeling in the bottom of your stomach? That is how I felt when I sent Corrben the letter. Believe it or not, I chased the courier down the road to stop him from delivering it, but I was not as quick as he was, and it was one of the only times in my entire life I've been upset that I could not speak, to yell at him to stop. I have cried about this more than I care to admit.
I saw him at the Inn today and I am sure he could have heard my heart beating, as hard as it was racing in my chest. It did flips when he mentioned the bear man, as I could hear the obvious jealously in his voice. I gave him a picture I had drawn and written on, and I think he forgave me. We went into the room where we first talked and I first kissed him. I suddenly realized that I do not mind if he has to spend a lot of time with his job. I know Watchers, and that their schedules vary with long hours, I should not have been surprised.
It's kind of embarrassing, but I had started crying when we were together. I feel so terribly awful about what I did to him, and I was sure he wouldn't even look at me, let alone want to come privately talk to me. And I certainly was not expecting him to kiss me, I bet my chest was about to explode. We were on the way to a lake when a Watcher stopped him, and we had to go into the jail so that someone could bail their friend out.
He was acting all tough and stoic, and I must admit that it was quite... I'd even say it was sexy? I wanted nothing more than for him to hurry and finish so that I could pull him off into a corner, but I am sure that that would have gotten him in some sort of trouble. This is very embarrassing, I hope that he never reads this page. I do often show him things in my journal, I will have to make sure he never sees it.
We then finally went to the lake, and it was a nice time, I am very happy, and glad that we made up and talked.
With love, Tosie.
