She walked along the banks of the river, the sunlight reflected off the surface of the water like drops of liquid gold. Every now and then a fish appeared, breaking the glasslike surface to catch a bug, or avoid getting eaten themselves, before quickly disappearing again into the depths. Tiny flowers grew in the grass on the bank, their fragrance lifted by the warm breeze into the air, teasing the senses with the hint of spring.
She didn't notice any of these things; she didn't notice much of anything at all as she made her way along the waters. If she did happen to look over and catch a glimpse of her reflection in the still waters, she didn't see the beautiful, kind-eyed woman that everyone else saw. It was debatable if she even saw herself at all. In her mind she felt invisible, wanted to be invisible. She ducked behind a tree and ...
Stepping out onto the festival grounds, she was surrounded by revelers as they enjoyed the food and ale, staring up into the starlit sky, cheering and oohing over the fireworks display. The smell of various pies filled the air, competing with the sounds of laughter and merriment, all of it overlaid by the explosions overheard as greens and blues danced with purples and yellows in a spectacular dance of lights.
She didn't notice any of these things, didn't hear the laughter or see the lights. Her thoughts turned inward, her mind berated her for some mistake she'd made - something she'd said wrongly, some task not completed, some skill she'd failed to master. She didn't see all the times she'd given people advice, or the ten tasks before she'd completed. All she could see what what she lacked. Ducking behind a stack of ale kegs to avoid colliding with some festival goers ...
She walked through her yard, the sunrise in the horizon etching the sky in brilliant shades of red and purple. In the quiet moments before dawn she could hear the crickets and frogs singing along the waters, and the silence of people safely home in bed as they awaited the new day. Shaking her head, she didn't notice any of that - only the silence of her heart, bound and broken by the constant criticism of her mind. Not smart enough ... not skilled enough ... not pretty enough ... not good enough. Unworthy.
She looked down at the dagger in her hand, her eyes blank. 'No more', she thought to herself, and pressed the blade against her skin. Taking a deep breath ...
She opened her eyes into the darkness of her bedroom, staring up at the unseen canopy over her head. Releasing the breath, she reached up and brushed away the tears as she willed herself not to think .. not to feel ... Berating herself, the voice in her head was vicious, angry, unkind.. 'There were people that had it harder, far worse. People facing real challenges, real threats. She should be grateful for what she had.'
But sometimes the biggest threat comes from inside ...
