I don´t even know where to begin to write. But I guess I need to start from the beginning as you always do.
I had been four years seens my parents left home, or what happened to them I don´t know.
Seens that day I had been taking care of the farming and the horses. After two years of working all alone I could not do it anymore. Not alone. I searched for a man that could help me with some of the work. After a time I found him. Buck as he called him self seemed like the perkfekt man for this kinde of work. He seemd to work all day long with out complayning at all. I could founf my self standing out side my home looking at him and wounder if her never would me tired or just say “No, I can´t do this today” but he never did. If I asked him to take in half of all the hay in to the banr so should I take the rest later, but when I can out all hay was already in and there he was standing sweaty and with a big smile. He was just amazing. After some time we did get to know each other better and better. We could take longer trips togetter on the horses. We laughs and joked a lot. But as I am I did not let this mess up the work so I closed my feelings in side of me even if I may have noticed that he started to look at me in a different way. I told my self that my feelings need to wait. So I don´t know if I started to push him a bit from me or if he started to turn from me but the trips stopped and we started to work on different places at the fram, we nearly saw each other until that night. Yeah, that night. It´s even to day hard to talk about it or think. As I normaly do I was out working late, I always have things that´s needed to be done. I had just walk back in to the barn to get some tools so I did not turn on the lights, I did know where to find them anyway. As I stod there I heard the door creak as if it´s open a bit more. Form the lights out side I saw some figure standing just inside the door. I tried to look closer and I believed it was Buck that had come back. “Buck, Is that you?” I asked but he did not answer instead he started to walk my way, when he got closer I saw it was Buck and I sign in a relief. But as he was just up next to me he grabed me by my throat and he pushed me up to the wall. I was terrifed, what just happened? Why? I just steard at him, I felt like the time was standing still. But then he slaped me as hard as he could and I falled down to the ground and hit the ground so hard. For a secound l was laying there thinking he is going to kill me. Sometime I wish he had but he did not. He jumped on top of me and now the longes night of my life had begun. He raped me for, what I felt, like many hours. I cried but my body did not do what I wanted it to. May be it was becouse of the hit to my head or was I so sceard that I could not move? I tried to scream even if I know that no one will hear me but everytime I did he raised his fist and with froce it hit me in my face over and over again. In the end I was bleeding and my head was spinning around after all that hit. I could not scream, I could not move. I just felt all the pain in my whole my body. I could not even cry any more. He raise up slowly looking at me then I thought I saw fear in his eye´s as he just realized what he had done. He gently stoke my chin but I turn my head away. He run off and there I was, alone. More alone then I ever had been. I felt the blood flow. I tried to get my cloth back on, as much of them that still was not to broken apart. I managed to get my self inside the house and lock the door.
Now I am siting outside my home, It´s just as late as it was that night one year ago. And inside he is. Buck, or what I shell call him. I know now that his namn is not Buck. But after today all my hate seems like gone. After have been nearly to get attacked again he showed me what I hope is the real man. A man that just loved me, a drunk man that just at that moment did his worst mistake of his life. But can I trust him? Why if he lying? I don´t know. I don´t want to know.I will never now. For thoes how read this, I am sorry but I can´t live with this anymore...
