The Diary of a Conman,
The Beginning-Bit.
Ah yes, this is going to be the place where I stick all my random thoughts and write about what I think is worth writing about. Funny that. I asked for a journal, and I get a diary. Well. Best begin, I suppose. And so... The Beginning-Bit.
Today was an interesting day, I can tell you. I thought I would try and get myself to sleep earlier, by trying something new. Drinking seven tankards of ale, wait. No. Eight? Nine maybe. Probably ten, then again. But aye, I drank myself into oblivion at the Prancing Pony. Cant say much about what happened before, but I do remember the faintest part of singing some shanty. Cant say I wanted to, or ever want to again - But ah! Singing is great, is it not. Allows you to calm yourself and such, one could possibly claim. But the next thing I knew, was laying down on the floor, couple of men about the place, few ladies though, and no one tried to help me, dared to come close to the drunken man atop the floor. Aye, I was on the floor - Staring down at it, with my hat, tatty old thing, atop the back of my head. Couldn’t remember a thing at the time, first thoughts were that I got my head kicked-in, and no one wanted to offend the head-kicker. Then I, laying there, thought about where exactly I was. Cant tell that much by staring down at the floor!
So I look up, and guess what I see? A fire. Hearth of some sort. And the same ol'chair, with the same ol'cat atop it. And then I knew. I must've drank myself to that state, I was in the Pony for sure. So I sat up, looked about, there was another man by the fire. He had some strange top-hat on, like an adventurer of sorts. Atop the stairs to the back-room was this other one, some lady dressed in black. Looking to my left, there was no one but some charmer in red. A lady flirting with... What...? Barliman?
Stood up, did I, and walked beside the man next to the fire... Asked him if he could get me an ale, something to cure the headache- You understand. I didn’t have any drinking money left, else I'd have gotten it myself... And guess what he said? "You'd best get some fresh air."
How bloody dare he? I ask for a drink and get told to lose myself outside... Didn’t know his name then, 'Cobb' or something as I later found out, else I would've stuck a fist in his stomach. And I nearly did, was about to curse him... Can't remember exactly what I said, but he seemed quite calm and threatening. Leaving my daggers... Wait where were my daggers? I cant remember. But leaving them... Somewhere, I knew it'd be stupid to get into a fight with some guy - He had a crossbow on his back, and an axe too! Sure, speed over might and all that. But my fists, against a guy that could easily send my head flying? Nah, nah.
Went to the bar top, far left you see, that Cobb-guy took to the right, walking straight for the charming lady in red. I think he had more in mind than another ale.
They were talking and such, flirting I would say, and then I saw something. A tankard of ale, nicely placed, nicely reachable... It's drinker wasn’t looking, so I slowly grabbed it - Success! Was walking back to the fire, ready to down another... Ale? I think. And then the bloody charmer in red spotted me. How dare she!? Shouting out, I had no choice to put down the tankard before I actually get my head kicked in this time. Turned to her, smug-faced and all. Noticed she was definitely some charmer, trained in "Persuading" men to do her bidding, I was sure. She starts mocking me, saying she knows "… every trick in the book" like I'm some boy. I just thought I would be smart and continue with an old trick of mine... Heh, see if she notices that one eh! Made myself sound like some slurred fool, a beggar from a random alley. "Heh! Keen ey'd an'fiesty on'aren' ye'h?" I said, purposely making myself sound like some average drunkard. She then tried her charming tricks on me, going, "How old are you?" and all. Saying that she wouldn’t... I'd best not say it. With someone who was far too young, again the bloody charmer presumed I was some boy. So I just said, "Depends. 'Ow ol' are ye'h?", again in the strange accent. She just smirks, thinking she had me under her bloody control. So then I tell her that I'm twenty-and-one name days, and she says, smug faced and all, "Not too old then." - I had never felt so smug with myself, happy, and disgusted at the same time. Maybe she was winning?
So then she offers me a drink, when I act out the role of some addicted man. And guess what? Randomly, she changes her mind - Purposely taking a good ol'swig of a bottle of ale, or something. Brandy I think. Like she was mocking me. That Cobb-guy standing well and close enough to her, she must've felt defended. So I just continue acting out like a poor old wretch, till eventually she mutters something to Barliman - Who then comes along, giving me a fresh tankard of ale. I down it on the spot, thinking to myself - 'Oh thank D.O.G that I managed to get an ale.'
Aye, D.O.G, I'm not much of a godly-man, you understand. Why should I kneel before some nameless cur who cant even be bothered to give me anything in return? Besides, so many damned "Gods" that I wouldn’t even be bothered. Some "Father", another monk telling me about there being seven-in-one. And then there's my... Pff. Father, if D.O.G can permit me to call him that, who worships some fire-thing. I don’t even care much about that, well until one day he tried burning my face off. Poor old, fanatical sod.
Anyways. I'm there, acting all drunk and such, observing the others. The charmer and the Cobb, who I now happen to know as 'Rick Cobb', overhearing a good deal, and this noble. Well, she looked like a noble, dressed as such, with some poor old man following her about. There was talk of some Masquerade Ball open to all - Heh. Like they'd let -everyone- come in. Lying little...
But aye, and as it happens that charmer was just exactly what I thought she was... A "Persuader" of men - Then again, she was also a captain, taking her words literally. But still. As she left, she told the Cobb-one to pay some other girl, blonde hair, tall and such, two gold coins if he wanted to be kicked in the chest or something. I think we all know exactly what that meant.
So now that everyone was either drunk or getting to that point, the Cobb-one not paying much attention. I put on my hat, and went to the Barliman, taking out a good many more silver coins than I made out to have and passing them over to him, renting out a room for the night. Never before had I seen his face so shocked, when I actually happened to pay for all those drinks, the room and said,
"Right Barliman. Been a long day, and I think I deserve the bed."
How odd that he had never caught onto any of that.
There was also the Red-Company in my way, though. Earlier, they were harassing some Hobbit, I stepped in. But on my way to the back-rooms, I doubt any of them followed or did anything to my drink of water in the night. Fools. "Protect Bree" they said. Heh... I don’t need protecting, and never will - Especially by a group of jumped-up guards dressed in red, going about an inn like the own the damned place.
