Over the next few weeks, the memories of her grandmother continued to flow back. They gave Emma some life and some strength, and then the incident at the Barrow Downs where she ended up with broken ribs. Emma had been tapped out before the incident. The social circle had grown and was larger than she knew how to handle. Many came to her with concerns, requests for advice, and requests for help. She cared about each of them, and she was happy to feel like she could help. She did not take enough time for herself. She forgot to recharge. The incident itself was a blur as were the next two or three days spent in bed at the inn.
Then came the explosion. There were a hundred reasons, and none at all. Overwhelmed, Emma lashed out at pretty much everyone in her vicinity. Then over the course of the next week made things even worse while attempting to make amends. Those around Emma responded with both a direct honesty about her actions, and a level of understanding. The same response she had seen from them since the beginning, but this time she trusts the understanding and accepts it.
With hints of humility starting to replace the insecurity she has carried for so long, Emma looks for ways to help. The one thing no one seems to be picking up is cooking. Tentatively, she begins to cook some meals for the group. As she had expected, the task that she had disliked, and avoided as much as she could while growing up brings memories flooding back. With her hands busy, she lets them come. She finds herself laughing, crying, and even on occasion singing as she works. While she does not exactly like cooking even now, she does enjoy feeling productive.
A restlessness started to grow. Emma is used to activity, and the restrictions of a broken rib while not severe did limit her. Some of the memories are tougher than others. Emma found herself taking long walks alone while she worked through some of the memories. She found the memories of her mother particularly challenging. She and her mother had always struggled.
Emma loved horses, and most animals. Given the choice between playing with her brothers or the horses she would always choose the horses. She disliked time spent inside. Her mothers lessons were tedious. All of the rules about behavior, the rules about speaking, the lessons on how to be a host, how to be a guest, how to always be in control of her emotions and reactions, the expectation that Emma would get them all perfect whenever they spent time with others from the village, and even more so when they traveled to Edoras. As a child it was easiest to comply quickly, the happier her mother was with her behavior the more free time she got to do as she liked.
The end goal, marriage to someone who could increase the status and visibility of their family, created a pressure that Emma did not recognize, but constantly looked for little ways to fight. Fighting the inevitable was useless Emma knew, but she still rebelled against the pressure, most often by taking long rides and coming home tired and dusty.
Now as the memories come back, Emma finds that at first they feel like they did when she experienced them. However, those perceptions and feelings can’t stand up against the new understanding of reality provided by the harsh experiences of the past two years. That marriage that Emma did not want would have also been an opportunity. A way to improve the lives of everyone in their village. Additional horse sales or training contracts would bring income that would mostly be dispersed to the farmers who grew the grain and the hired hands. Emma had always been told this, had known it, but as she begins to truly understand it she grows even more restless. The memories of her village, her people, are starting to come and with them a new sorrow and a new anger. She closes the door firmly, and waits, the time for them will come soon.
