((neatly penned in Lumi-kieli))
It probably will not feel real until tomorrow. If even then! Tonight was my last night for a moon at least working at the Prancing Pony. I hope that Mabbe and Nob and Mister Butterbur are all ready for my absence! Mister Butterbur assures me that he has been running it since before I was born and will be fine and I am sure he is right, though I hope he does not undo everything that I changed to make things work more smoothly and let us give better suppers to the patrons. And that I do not come back to find everything a terrible mess!
We have not that much to pack and bring so we are just going with what is on our backs. We expect to have no trouble finding food as we go. There is a place called Adso's Camp we can stop at, then we will be in Shire for a few days and there is good food, though they say that the furniture will be hard for us to fit on, especially Beri, and then in the land of the risen lake she and Suojelija will be able to forage, and I have preserved berries and Bottle Cakes and dried meat, and then once we reach Kauppa-kohta it will be easy to trade for food. We have some blankets and some warm clothes -- since Beri will not wear furs it is mostly woolens -- and an axe and some kindling for fires, and blankets, and I packed a small cooking pot and two bowls and some spoons, and some spare clothes and bandages, and each of us carries three jars of Staddle-made berry jam which we will trade for hilloa to bring back. And I have brought all of my pennies, even the gold ones that the Elves in Imladris gave me that mean I am rich, but I have hidden them in different places so that even if someone steals my pack or I lose something I will still have others. I am still not decided about bringing my harp. It is a large thing to carry all this way but I feel like I will want it, and I want to show my family the bead-work I did, even if I will be embarrassed about it too. If Beri had wanted to allow Frimsi to travel with us, he would probably be bringing a wagon and we could bring more good for trading, and maybe even a tent. I thought about bringing up some other things that my people would want, but we can only carry so much. Maybe in Kauppa-kohta we can buy a lavvu, though I do not know how we would carry it without a sled, and Suojelija will definitely not pull a sled. Hopefully we will be late enough into spring not to need one.
I am excited about every part of the journey, though also there are worries. I have wanted to see Shire ever since I first met the pieni-väki, though I do not know if we will want to take the shorter route through Stock and Budgeford past Brockenborings, or spend an extra day or two to go see Waymeet and Hobbiton. The Hobbit I talked to warned me about Bindbole Wood but I do not think Beri will have any trouble with it. Once we leave Shire I am less certain about how to find our way, but we do have the map Miss Aellwenn gave me when I was new to Bree, which I have been studying so much I do not even need to look at it anymore, and anyway just staying heading north with the risen lake on our left will mean we cannot help but get to about the right place. Now that I know how to find my way in green places! And if I see the brown river that will also help; I can show Beri the place where I escaped my captors. What we have not decided yet is whether to go visit the Rangers there. I think Arthfael and Inurawen at least would be glad to hear that I am doing well, and it would be good to see them. But it is out of the way. But then they could give us food and help us know the best way to go, so it might save more time than it takes. I suppose it is a thing we can wait to decide until we reach that land they call Evendim.
And then we will be in Lumi-mâ. Will Beri love it as much as I did? What if I love it too much and when I see it I do not want to leave? It is spring and we are not likely to see much snow until we get to the north, and probably will see only small amounts of the sky-ribbons. I wish Beri could see them at their winter glory. How will my family feel about her? How will she feel about them? What if Suojelija thinks that we were on our way here all this time and wants to stay and expects me to stay? I would be very lonely without her. I have avoided going back for so long. I worry if the people I knew and never managed to be friends with will even speak to me. Maybe they will call me sivullinen now and if they do that is fair. I do not know what to expect. It is very frightening. But Beri will be with me. She worries how they might feel about her being ihonvaihtaja but I do not think she needs to. She will not be sivullinen traveling with me, she will be etelä-vieras.
I must pack this journal. It is a silly thing to carry, for it is heavy but I want to be able to write what I think as we travel. And the smaller one in case I want to draw something. Should I try to get to sleep before Beri gets here? I wonder if I will be able to sleep at all. Certainly not without her.
I hope the hillat are coming in so Beri can taste them fresh.
