Madaurbeth,
Writing after cooking Egfor breakfast. He is still putting my fence around the kitchen coop.
I am simply overwhelmed. I finally asked Demlemoth if I can only cook, and he said yes. I still feel useless, and I feel... astranged. I need to focus more on my family, and yet I cannot just abandon my friends. Not like Ristiinna suggested. But why? Why would she say something like that? Suggest I stay away from the people who saved me? How could she? For the first time, her simple advice has tasted sour and bitter in mouth. Of course, most of her advice had still been good. Taking a step back, relaxing a bit. Finding safety over everything else. In that, I will follow her advice. All at the same time, I cannot stop worrying about her either. She is so lonely, and I am powerless to make her feel otherwise. Perhaps, I should invite her to the Scholar's Stair, like we went to long ago? Maybe she needs one on one with a friend? My mind is clogged with mixed feelings about our conversation last night.
But Ristiinna is not the only friend who concerns me. What about Helaliath, if I can even call him friend? He seems so nervous around me. Did I do something wrong? Oh, of course I did. I do everything wrong. Whatever it is, I remember being so nervous and skittish myself when I first came to Bree. I myself found it hard to trust, and still do. Perhaps, I can reach Liath? Maybe we should talk? I don't know what to do.
I continue to bring dishes to Syllea. She is my taste tester for my turnip dishes now. I am determined to make Helmwod enjoy turnips one of these days! I have learned he likes cheese, I will make something with turnips and cheese. Meanwhile, I do enjoy spending time with Syllea. I finally feel like I can connect with her more. I still am unable to feel much of a bond with Em. But I want to. Regardless of my bitterness from one of her fathers being unable to bond with my twins... Em is a distant, aloof girl. I really would like to get to know her.
But enough about friends, time to write about family.
I'm teaching Dammon a song to remember all the letters in the Westron alphabet. I'm also working on basic sounds and how the letters form into words with those sounds. We have lessons under the willow tree next to the pond. Moss almost always joins us, relaxing nearby. I must admit, I do not think the stray bog lurker is going anywhere. I have decided to give him more attention. Whenever I make my rounds outside, I always stop by the pond to say hello. When I fish, I regularly talk to Moss and even pet him when he approaches. I was hoping he would return to where he came, but now it seems I have adopted yet another lost stray.
I have been teaching Dammon to be careful with the eggs as we collect them, and to shoo away the cats when they get in the coop. Of course, now that Egfor is fencing the coop, the cats will hopefully not be a problem. I will teach Dammon to be careful around the wiring as well. So far, he is happy to hand me gardening tools better playing with Obsidian and chasing Fisher and the chickens around. I have truly been cherishing this one on one time spent with Nimraph's - no. Our son.
Our son. Now, he is my child too.
I see Briar less often, as he is with his father a lot more. I hope that once we build our new house, we can all live together under the same roof. I prefer my house, Nimraph prefers his library. And I feel torn. I still need to get used to that place...
I have recently been reading up on pregnancy books, and jumping the bow and reading infancy books as well.
Oh, Egfor has come in now! He will be eating eggs, toast, and a sweet fruit bowl! I should wrap this journal entry up.
Here is to hoping everything will work out, Madaurbeth.
~ Eira.
