So I sit here with a quill in my hand, the bottle of ink next to me and the paper infront of me and I feel as if I have so much to say, so much to write down, but when it comes to it, I cannot seem to let it out. I know what to write but at the same time, there is nothing to tell.
I have decided to try not to dwell in the past, rather see what it is I have before me, what it is I have right now, though, I dare not to dream about the future. I confess I am afraid.. frightened of what can come to pass.. and that it would not be anything of that I have dreamt and thought. I stay safe.. and think not of it, that way I do not have to live with the disappointment. I do not take this for granted, this life. It is nothing I have ever had before, I feel so ridiculously safe, as if nothing can touch me, I feel invincible.
Why I did not put my trust in Baedwulf sooner, I cannot say. He has given me this life and I thankfully accept it. I could sit here and write for hours and hours about him, I am sure, but it is not neccessary, I know what I feel and there is no need to let it out on paper, and I believe he knows too. All that matters is that we are comfortable with eachother.. and comfortable we are, stick to ourselves and do not let many close, if any... that is how it should be, I do not care about the outside world. I dare to say I hate it and do not want it.. All I want is now.
