Found:
I returned to Bree, for good or ill, feeling rather more like myself. It's still there, sat nestled within but less raw now. Less insistant. Perhaps I am finally starting to heal. Or perhaps I am simply more able to function.
Even I must admit that the smile I wear is not always genuine, but then was it ever? It is an armour now just as surely as it was before. But it is comfortable and practical and serves its purpose well. People think I'm fine, which is precisely what I want them to think and I feel better for it too.
Speaking of people, I was pleasantly surprised to run into Ryheric again. He certainly wasn't expecting it, though before my departure he had expressed an interest in doing so. We've talked many times since then and shared a couple of kisses. It is, I think, a sign of progress that I've not been left feeling guilty or angry by them. Rather, I have enjoyed them, and his company.
He introduced me to a few friends of his.
Lavendara is a lovely young woman. Sweet, and a little shy, but also strong and resourceful. I see much of myself in her, vain though that may be. She is now where I once was; wishing to forge her own path for her own reasons, but nervous of doing so. I think our talk helped. I hope it did. It would be a shame to see her succumb to the expectations of others and wither away to the misery such meaningless restrictions imposed on those who yearn to exercise their own free will so often toil beneath. She is a beautiful little bird and the cage door is open. She need now only spread her wings...
Clothilde seems somewhat less bitter than I recall. Perhaps she has garnered a sense of camaraderie and companionship from the others? She still speaks as if she is, but I wonder if she is starting to feel less alone in this world. There may yet be a kind heart beneath her prickly exterior; a self-defense mechanism, I'm certain.
Mildwynn and Cwenawynn I have little experience of thus far. Both are polite and pleasant. Typically Eorling, however. Braids, stiff backs and blushes. I may have to spend more time with the pair in a more relaxed setting - minus Ryheric, for a start! - to get a proper feel for them.
There is also Fiontann, a man of so very many questions! I believe he may be in the wrong line of work. He really should give up the tavern and hire himself out as an interrogator! Still, he seems harmless enough. At least at the surface. One to watch carefully, I think.
In the meantime, Ryheric has asked that I accompany him and the girls to the Shire to run an errand. I was... hesitant at first. It is far from being my favourite place. Pretty though it is, the Hobbits themselves are somehow.... creepy. Added to that, I had no idea why he would ask me of all people. I am no guardian, there to save the day in case of ambush. I won't fight unless I absolutely have to. I can't act as a guide, showing them where they need to go, since I spend as little time as physically possible in that place on the odd occasion that I have to pass through. It seemed to me that I'd be of more hindrance than help to them. But it seems that he wishes a little help in herding cats, as it were; I'm not sure how much use I'd be for that, but I can give it a try. And he wants some reading lessons. That much I can do. So I agreed, eventually.
We're not due to depart for a week or more yet, which is fine. Though Bree-land holds many memories for me, both good and bad, I am learning to live with them. That I am offered such a good distraction is certainly of aid in this.
Ah, yes, and I still need to retrieve my kukri!
