No one is more surprised than I about my journal entry today. In fact, it's taken a couple of days to sink in, as quite honestly it still seems like a dream.
As I think I had mentioned before, Amaken had been called away from our last leg of moving the caravan to Rivendell. Without him there, I did feel a little lonely, even though surrounded by everyone from the Company. It confused me, I'll admit, as most of my life I have travelled alone. I preferred it that way. No one telling me where I should be, judging my performance at tasks, or questioning my experience. I chose where I needed to be, or rather I think fate did, I just listened to its gentle call. And up to now, it had served me well. I have earned enough gold to not ever really worry where the next meal is coming from, and I have put down roots near to the Company house, as it would seem they are my family now. I believe Fate had brought me to the Pony that night, when Furley invited me to visit the Company meeting, I assumed because they needed my help, but looking back now, perhaps I needed them more.
Amaken joined us at the meeting not long after. I took to his humour at first, each comment spoken with a twinkle in his eye. He put me at ease when I was uncomfortable, in such a large group. Furley I think spotted that we had connected and sent us on our first mission together. Rivendell. Such a beautiful place, time seemed to stand still. As well as speaking making connections with those for whom we needed permissions to sell in their marketplace, we also had time to explore, and discovered the Hall of Fire! Amaken, being the gent he is, always refused to let me pay for any of our refreshments. This took some getting used to, and caused a number of friendly squabbles, and some sneaking of coins into his pack... My heart always felt less heavy when I was with him,I believed because he was a good distraction from my pain.
One particular outing for the Company led us to Trestlebridge, looking for the site of the old office. It was such a grey, wet and miserable day. We trudged around that place all day, looking for leads and information to take back to Deorla and Furley. At sundown, having found no lodgings, we took shelter by the bridge. We shared our food, wine and stories to distract us from our wet clothes. Amaken again, took care of me, and shared his cloak. Looking back, I wish I had seen then what I see now, but I was still very much getting used to having people around, and was finding it uncomfortable to let down my guard with most. The time was not right.
We continued to journey together, and when we were apart we would write. I enjoyed to hear where his travels had taken him, and that he was safe. Sometimes I would return home to find a gift from his travels on my doorstep, with a note. He would walk me home from the Company meetings, and we would continue to chat for hours. I remember one such conversation when he noticed the house next door was for sale. He blushed when we talked about him moving to the area, and being close to work, and to me. Oh Ana, even for me, this lack of the noticing what's right in front of me, has reached a new high.... It is no wonder Daphnee told me they had seen it coming.
So this brings me to recent events. Being in Rivendell, without Amaken to share the scenery, stars and wine with, did not seem right. I would spend my evenings sitting out by the waterfalls, counting the stars, and listening for the gentle voice of fate to guide me. That night, the voice sounded like Amaken.
He had made it to Rivendell, and was also on his way to watch the waterfalls. At first I was confused as he didn't speak to me, but then I looked at myself, in my blue dress, hair no longer tied up, or hidden under a hat, but resting gently on my shoulders, and I almost did not recognise myself. I spoke first. He looked, he smiled, I blushed. We chatted, and I caught him up with all the had happened on our journey. As we spoke, I felt the sadness I had been feeling lift, like everything was again now it should be. The night began to draw in, so we made tracks to move inside, the call of the warm fires and good wine once again in good company seemed to end a perfect day.
As we were walking, I asked Amaken if he believed in fate, as it had been playing on my mind since we began chatting that evening. Amaken remained unusually quiet, as if he had something in his mind. I did not pursue the subject for a while. We stayed in the Hall, drank wine, reminised and toasted the fortunes of the Company of the East Road. As the warmth of the wine reached my head, I rested on Amakens broad shoulders. He in turn, moved closer. Aided by the wine relaxing our insecurities, we began to discuss how our lives had been improved by the other being in it. Honesty from me at last! Amaken seemed to be spurred on by the discussion and took hold of my hand, whilst turning my face gently to look into his. The words that left his lips seem to have gone in a blur. Significant other, partner, forever. The joy that bubbled up inside me! I had never felt this happy. He held me so close, so tightly, as if he never wished to let me go. We walked outside, and lay on the grass counting the stars overhead. Once again, he offered me his cloak, but this time we shared it.
A new chapter of my life is beginning, and this one does not involve me being alone any more. I am happy. Slightly terrified, but happy all the same.
- Ana
