Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions
40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?
She tilts her head with an amused half-smile. "And I thought trying to decide that simple of a way of looking at things was done with after the last time I got asked that in the Hall of Fire. 'Do you see this glass? Is it half-empty, or half-full?' Got news for y', mate. It's too bleedin' big."
She chuckles, shaking her head a bit, still with that partial smile. "Good thing they never asked me to wash it after. And I could go on. What's the liquid in it? Do I like it? Did it get this way by being just now partially filled, or has it been drunk from? If the latter, we're back to asking whether I like what's in it, and whether I was the one drinking it."
She shrugs. "So, what am I, really? Nosy and stubborn. And those are my good points." Her smile increases a touch. "Usually passes more for optimism than for pessimism, I suppose, but all the questions… you can maybe also see why I think it's too simple a way to look at people."
41. What is your greatest fear?
She sits back a little, pursing her lips as she thinks. "Mmh. Being responsible for something where I have no control, and it going all wrong. As in, losing people's lives on my watch, but there being nothing I can do to stop it."
She considers a little more, then both shrugs and nods. "I suppose you could say it's a fear of failure, but some kinds of failure don't matter. That kind does, and it's what I fear. I suppose it's back to not being good enough, in a way."
42. What are your religious views?
She peers at her questioner, as though somehow her stare could look inside, and holds that for a few beats. She then sits back again with a small snort. "I suppose most of the second kindred don't get a lot of the story from times of old. But I did. Won't say I'd manage to name off all the Valar in proper precedence order in one go at it. But I've talked with elves who saw the light of the Trees, and learned plenty of old songs, and with that kind of learning, well, I ain't no follower of Sauron, nor his old boss. And with the way I like seeing a sky full of stars, well, Varda would be my favourite, but ain't so much religious as aesthetic."
43. What are your political views?
She gives a good-natured snort of amusement. "With the Elves, it's all pretty obvious and straightforward these days. In the Riddermark, the custom is you gotta present yourself at the mead-hall and have some kind of permission from the local Thane, Reve, or whatever, so I've met a few, but that's just custom. I'm mostly beneath their notice, and try to keep it that way. Gondor? That's a whole 'nother kettle of fish, and again, I try to just be beneath the notice of anyone important. Now, here, where we're talking? Not even really held by any tribe or clan. Me, the Kymric lass, and my six horses here, this patch of land is ours. Until we move on."
She snickers. "I got plenty of opinions on various matters some folks consider political, sure. But I ain't nobody important – in those terms, anyways – and I mostly just try to keep from attracting the wrong kind of attention. And one wrong kind is making enemies by spouting off my views, but sure as the sun rising, someone will object to any opinion, especially from an outlander like me. But, considering where I work out of when I do, you can be pretty sure I ain't seriously against any of Lord Elrond's views on things."
44. What are your views on sex?
She giggles. "I prefer doing to viewing." She shrugs after. "Not even sure what you mean to be asking. It happens. Long as the people involved mean to be involved, and know which way is up, it ain't my business. Nor anybody else's."
45. Are you able to kill?
She snorts and rolls her eyes. "Scouting ain't a bloodless profession. And when you're looking in on people who want you and yours dead, so you can keep them from being successful? If'n you can't kill, you don't come back." She shrugs. "I'm still here."
46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?
Sitting up again, she taps her chin as she thinks. "For sheer amount of evil in one go, I gotta reckon that someone far removed from the consequences of their actions has done it with the stroke of a pen from looking solely at a ledger book, and not thinking of what's behind the figures on their page.
"But I don't really think that's how you mean. And for the most evil in intent, hrm. Some folks lay some pretty long plans, but far as I can see, they all come down to one thing – betraying the trust of an innocent or a dependent."
She sighs, shaking her head. "I ain't real satisfied with that answer, even though it feels about true. But I ain't wanting to think too hard on how someone can be doing evil on purpose, neither. That'll have to do."
47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?
Heaving a heavy sigh, she draws up a knee and hugs it to her chest. "I used to – or thought I did. Wendy did. I failed her. Now… now I ain't so sure." She sighs again. "I reckon it's out there for some folks. Just not for me. I messed up my chance."
48. What do you believe makes a successful life?
She gives an amused little snort, but keeps hold of that knee. "Right now, much as I'm hurting inside? Not sure believe in one, let alone being able to say what it is." She sighs softly with a shake of her head. "But what I would have said a few moons ago, and might again? Having goals that are in line with my values, and making progress toward them.
"For now, having a second chance at life thanks to people who, cutting out all the other talk that happened, wanted me to help them fight orcs and other creatures and allies of the Shadow, that's usually pretty straightforward. But if somehow, all of that were over and done with, and I were out of a job? I ain't too bad a hand at leather-working. I make things what's good and durable, and can be pretty, too. And I can do that for other people, to help their lives out. And that kinda small-scale helping of people counts for me, too.
"It's like I already said. I ain't nobody all that important. I don't need to be having success on that scale. Long as I'm helping the good and innocent folk somewhere, somehow, even if'n it's only one or two at a time, it counts."
49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?
That gets a little more pondering before she replies. "It's usually just me that I can rely on to keep me in one piece. And as I said earlier, some folks will take objection to any opinion. And I'm more of a sneak and listen type. So I keep quiet a lot. Unless I have to for my scouting, though, I ain't real big on outright lying." She smirks briefly. "Means you gotta keep track of what you said, for one thing. Stick to the truth, it's a lot easier.
"But always telling all the truth? Even if'n there ain't secrets involved what ain't mine to share, that can be dangerous. With those I trust enough, or don't consider to be much threat, one or the other, sure. Of course, most folks ain't out there telling everything they know all the time. I'm maybe a little more suspicious and quiet than most, but I don't reckon I'm all that remarkable that way."
50. Do you have any biases or prejudices?
She laughs. "Of course! Everyone does. If they say they don't, either they're lying, or they're not very self-aware. Or deluded, but that's just another kind of lying – lying to themselves. Mostly, though, mine are about who's the biggest threat to watch out for in keeping myself safe, I reckon." She ponders. "Or maybe also being too favouring of elves." She shrugs.
"I try not to let them get in the way of maybe making friends or at least allies, though. For instance, I've been living in the Riddermark for nigh on two years, and have a lot of Eorling friends, besides having been near-enough married to one for a while. And yet, now I'm travelling with a Kymric lass, being friends, teaching each other our respective tongues. And don't worry – I'm taking it slow and careful in how I teach her Westron, trying not to give her my bad habits with it. But for someone with so much Eorling leanings? I reckon that shows what I mean about trying not to let it get in the way."
51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances?
"I won't be knowingly part of doing evil. Oh, I suppose, there could be some situation you could try and conjure up where even doing nothing turned out to be evil. But I ain't going to choose for a greater evil. In particular, that means not betraying the trust of innocents or dependents, like I said before." She sighs. "Does mean I gotta be awful careful about promises made, of course. But I am."
52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?
"Well, a dead scout don't much report back. But my very job has the possibility of needing to make that kind of choice, even so. But getting too far into details of that also gets into secrets what ain't mine to tell. Kinda gets back into not choosing for a greater evil, really, though, in that 'almost any innocent' is the answer, unless my current job is so important as to save even more lives than I'd have to allow to be lost. Oh, sure, I ain't actually died from it yet, but it's what I expect to kill me sooner or later."
