It has been a terrible day. So terrible.
That elf came to me again. I walked away. He followed. He grabbed my hand and would not let go at first. When he eventually did, I walked away again, and again he followed. I thought I had lost him at one point, but he found me again. He cornered me in a room of the inn.
He stood so close. Too close. I backed away but he followed. Soon, I had nowhere to go but still he pressed forward. I could feel the feathers of his robe, I could smell him. For a moment, I felt like I was back in the camps and it made me feel nauseous, petrified. I knew fear, such deep fear, but I promised myself long ago that I would never give into that again. It took so much to be defiant, but I managed it.
He took my knife then. My father's knife. He took it from my belt and pressed the flat of the blade to my face. His voice was quiet, full of malice, as he spoke words of threat to me. It was only sheer luck, I think, that someone happened to be passing by at that time. They came into the room, first a woman, then two men, asking if all was well. He left then, but not after throwing my dagger at the wall next to my head.
As I was leaving, I ran into Haldrid. I was so scared, so worried in case that elf came back that I asked him to walk with me. He did, much to my gratitude, taking me to an orchard nearby where we might speak. He was so kind, so understanding, that I did not think twice when he offered me his hand. I just took it.
He escorted me from there to my house. We spoke further and it was pleasant. For a time my worries and fears receeded. I was able to relax and just enjoy his company - until he again asked what my opinion was on our relationship. I told him the truth; that we were friends but I felt there may be a possibility for more. It was then that he told me that he wanted no more than that. It is too complicated, he says.
That hurt. That hurt a lot. I did not think it would affect me as much as it did. We have only been friends thus far, even if I did allow him closer than others. I should not have done so; I know that now. I cannot change the past but I can, and will, rectify that situation in the future. If it is only friends that he wishes to be, then that is precisely what I will offer to him.
I ran into Drevorin later in the eve. He was kind to me. That is not something I could ever have expected, but I was too weary from everything else to be shocked. I found myself telling him about the elf and he offered his aid. He is concerned for me, he says. Drevorin. Concerned. I find it so hard to believe.
He asked my forgiveness for all that he had done and I gave it. There is no room for hatred in my heart and I have no will or wish to harbour any bitterness either. I would like to believe what he said, I truly would, but forgiving is not the same as forgetting and I can find no way to place any trust in him. Even as he hugged me for my granting of his wish, I expected a knife to enter my back.
If I had thought the day could not become any more stressful, then I was a fool. I went in search of Davick and instead bumped into Tenivin. We spoke for a short time before my quarry found me. I knew what would happen; the same games my guardian has always played. I tried to prevent it, but in vain.
Blasted Wolf! He took it much further than ever he has done in the past, proving that his cruelty knows no bounds. Using the stick he has adopted to prevent him from bumping into things, he lifted my skirt, exposing my leg to Tenivin! He knows why I cover as much of my skin as is possible. He knows what happened to make me this way, yet still he did it!
So here I sit, scared, alone, miserable and mortified. I have cried so many times today that it is a wonder I have any tears left to shed. Perhaps after I return home to the north, everything will be fine again. I will do exactly that as soon as I have found Marinette and made certain that Wolf is well looked-after.
