The cold bars welcome me. The wooden frames of the stocks hold me tight. The hangman's noose will hold me tighter. This is where I belong now, this is where I am meant to be, where I've always supposed to have been. Jail is for scum like me, people who have killed, assaulted, stolen... people with nothing left.
I told him. I told him that if he broke her heart, I'd break his neck. I've always known that empty threats get you nowhere. So I had to make a point. My intent was to make him cower beneath me, not to crumble. I should never have gone there... I love her, what kind of man am I?! A broken man... unworthy of even being called human. I am a monster, and this is my end.
I do not know how long I will be in this. They take me outside, throughout the day. To be 'made an example of'. I am quite proud of the fact I am so famous among criminals. "We apprehended Baedwulf!" I hear them boast... I have not the will to even smirk, not anymore. So aye, the stocks by day... A cage floor by night. At least until word is back from my Lord. Theoden, King will dictate whether I hang in Bree-town, or Edoras. Or at least... his 'adviser' will. I care not, I'll hang and this will all be over.
This is what I want. After what I did, I cannot bare myself any longer. I should never have gone, but I did anyway. I hit him, and hit him again. I broke his nose and his leg. I threw him about like a ragdoll and I could not stop. I had no control... Blinded by anger, and self-pity. Yes.. thats what it is. Self-pity. I made him crumble, not cower. And the minute I took hold of his throat, it was one straight line to hell. I was going to kill him, and I was going to kill him there and then. I could not let go, the sight of him dying beneath my grip was fulfilling. But she saved me.
She came in, and I saw her, and I let go. She saved me from utter-insanity. No, she didn't mean to save me.. She meant to save him. But that doesn't matter. If I had the choice.. I wouldn't save me. And I wont. I could escape. I have multiple methods now, one of which kindly aided by Bethlan, some Bree-lander I have not been kind to. Loriandra... Wants to save me. I wont let her. This is how things will end now. I gave myself up. I took myself to jail and I'm staying there.
Self-pity. Self-loathing. I will hang. It's the only way to stop myself. It's the only way to save Shorey. It's the only way to wake up, and stop loving her... I will never be happy, not again... Not until I hang.
When that rope, tightens around my neck. When I can breathe no more... When I sleep, never to wake up. -Then- I'll be happy.
