Shut up, shut up, SHUT the FUCK up! You're just another piece of shit, shut UP SHUT UP! The thoughts roared through her head, drowning out everything else as she sat in silence. Drowning out even the rest of the small rant Rahvic was giving her, about the importance of knowing how to read and write, and some other things. She didn't know, the first few words had been enough to set her of. It burned through her body like it always did, until the point where she wanted to break all furniture in the room, break the man's nose, break something.
Instead, she sat there looking at him in silence, holding on to the plain uninterested glare she had practiced so hard on. It was the only not fully aggressive expression she could manage in these sorts of moments.
She agreed with herself partially, she did think it was stupid how the man she only just met was telling her off, even if he worked with Vanden too. She had just been joking, but like so often her sinister way of delivering some jests hadn't had a positive effect.
Rahvic finished talking. She silently screamed at herself to stay calm. After a few seconds she opened her mouth, managing in a dry tone; "I was joking." He was not impressed by that either. The tiny argument between them that followed took her every tiny bit of discipline that she could muster. In her head she kept begging Vanden to take the conversation elsewhere by speaking up. When he finally did, it was about the tavern him and Rahvic wanted to open. As a coverup for... Well, for something. She hadn't heard nor understood the entire plan, but if it was Vanden's operation and she could make some coin, she had two proper reasons to be a part of it.
She felt herself calming down, thinking about the tavern and listening to them talk about their plans. She made sure to follow everything they said, while staring in the fire of the hearth. The three of them ended up joking and laughing together through discussing business, and a feeling of regret crept into her stomach, regret for how she had been pestering Rahvic ever since they met not even an hour ago.
NO. Go away! I don't care! What's it to me? What's he to me?! The only thing more paralyzing than her anger was the regret that came after it. Not always. But when it did, she wanted to cry. If she let herself be that weak however, she would never forgive herself. She knew there was no way out, if she won fighting herself she'd still have lost as well. So she just stared at the floor, trying her hardest to merely appear bored.
I hate you. She told herself.
Before soon she had awkwardly apologized to Rahvic. Something she had hardly ever done, and was terrible at. Thankfully he accepted her apology with understanding and a wide smile, but even to that she did not know how to respond. So she forced a tiny smile and quickly glared the other way, into the fire.
The long talk in her case concluded that she was to become the maid of this new tavern. She had proposed it herself, but was uncertain what she'd gotten herself into. The job would be simple enough, keeping the patrons happy, giggling like some dumb wench and listening to all that they share with eachother, yet she hoped that aside of that Vanden would still have some more enjoyable jobs for her to do as well. More illegal jobs, hopefully. Being a barmaid would almost feel... Would almost feel like being a regular piece of Bree-folk. Instead of the spat upon heap of instability and crime she'd always felt like. She still preferred the latter. Yes, it would not feel right to feel right.
