Dear Diary,
There is something I need to tell you before I depart for the Grand Journey. Something has happened to me just recently, a shattering experience.
I figured out I would need a new axe for the Grand Journey, and with the Bard's Day coming an' all, I forgot to purchase one at the Michel Delving Market. Too much excitement this week! Well, I thought I could purchase a good axe from them bearded fellows living in the west of the of the Shire, the dwarves. They have a dwelling there, near the mountains. So I rented a ride to Thorin's Hole, or whatever that place's called. It's in Ered Luin, a perfect place for wandering, picking berries and stuff. I made a drawing of the place:
When I finally arrived at Thorin's Hole, I was pretty amazed. It was nothing like the holes and burrows we have in the Shire. The roof was so high, they can probably launch fireworks inside the place! But yes, they sold many things there, like beer, goats, armour, weaponry, curiosities, paintings, and of course axes. I bought me one of good quality.
After spending most of my money on the precious axe, I thought I could look more closely at the place itself. After some wandering I ended up at the gates of Thorin's Hole Homesteads. Having still some money in my pocket, I thought I could purchase one of the music boxes they sell at the Homesteads. I went into this enormous hole where many of them bearded ones have their homes. A bit chilly for my taste, but with those thick beards, I reckon the dwarves won't catch cold so easily.
As I descended towards the center of the homesteads, I felt strange pressure growing in my chest. First I thought it was nothing, just exhaustion caused by the little trip itself. I got to the vendor and lightened my coin purse by purchasing the stuff I liked – a music box and some paintings. When I was about to return to the gates, it happened. Grey mist covered my sight, and the pressing feeling grew unbearable in my chest. I fell onto the ground, and all the stuff I purchased spilt out of my bagpack. The music box started playing its music, but I couldn't hear it. All I could hear was a grim, hissing voice speaking to me, saying: "It's all in vain. Don't you try to seek your father. There is no purpose. Let it go."
The voice filled my mind and I felt strong pain in my leg, the one the black spider had stuck. I felt the cold ground press against my chin, and it seemed that all the life had vanished out of the world. The world was without any colour. "It is too hard to rise up", I thought. "I can't do this, I cannot survive the journey. What was I thinking? I am a mere hobbit, nothing more. I can contribute to nothing."
I felt a sturdy grip on my shoulder and heard a dwarven voice: "You're alright, Miss?" I tried to look up, but it was too hard. But the friendly grip seemed to provide some strength. It reminded me of something: a merry song beside the fire, jolly dancing in a crowded inn, Ma's warm hug. "No! There's a purpose in this life", I thought and felt my spirits rise. Slowly, I managed to rise my head up from the ground. "Dear Master Dwarf," I whispered, "could you please walk me out of here? I need some air."
And may all the good dwarves of Thorin's Hole be blessed with long beards! The dwarf fetched his goat and rode me out of the place, quick as lightning! When I was outside, I immediately felt better. No voices inside my head, no pressing feeling in my chest. The kind Master Dwarf guided me to the stables where I could purchase a quick ride home to the Shire.
Whatever the incident was, it probably had something to do with black spider's poison that is still inside of me. The homesteads were probably too dark a place for me, so the poison took over and darkened my mind and sank my spirits. I have to keep this in mind when I depart for the journey.
However, this won't keep me from taking part in the Grand Journey. If I avoid dark places and stay with friends, I should be safe. I don't know what the voice inside my head was, but as long as it has no power over me, I am good. And it has no power as long as my friends are about. They remind me of the things that are worth fighting for.
So don't you be afraid, my dear diary! I am in safe company.
Until our next encounter,
Pycella
