It's now been so long since I saw him..I've given up hope this time..Have I not been good? Did I not love him the way he wanted me to love him? I dont know, all I know is that our son will grow up without his father and I will continue to live the life I've lived so long now..
Was I too hastey to say "I do" that day? Was I really in love? I do not know, all I know is that I did love him but he was never around to let me show that, well..he was around for a few times and one of the times our son came to life..He was my everything as my son is, how could one just walk out on that...I never knew it would come to that..I kept hopes up where I should not have kept them up..perhaps he's with someone else instead..that gives him the love he needs..maybe..
Thinking back to the day we stood there in front of our friends..both nervous and a bit scared I cant stop smiling sometimes even shed a tear or two and when Matthias comes and asks "Mama..wha wrong?" I cant just pretend as nothing and I tell him about the day I married his father and he looks at me and says "Papa gone Mama..neva com back.." and that hurts even more in my heart thinking of Ben..so much that I just cry loud and my son tries to hug me and telling me I'm strong and best mother there is..
I was once out to the graveyard just outside Bree..placing a stone there..I burried the ring there as well..I had Sigfread with me..oh Sig..where are you when I need you the most?
And Ben..where ever you are I hope you have it better..I love you and your son loves you..
The papers in the diary seems to get a few tear stains in them as the ink gets smeard just a tad as Lengdiel started to cry once more and would not cry anymore over this matter
