Well, there's quite a few mixed feelings here tonight, it seems.
Violet met Cousin Ammy for the first time. And it. Was. Amazing. Violet was incredibly well behaved, especially as she was held by Cousin Ammy... Man, those two are going to get along great. I really don't think there's going to be anything wrong with that.
And earlier, I went to get Violet from Rick's house...
Just to put it simply, Rick is going to make one HELL of a father, especially once his little one comes into the world. He's already quite attached to her, and from what I saw when I went to get her... it just confirms what I was thinking originally, let's put it that way.
So... while those are good things... there's also the bad... and the ugly.
So here we are again. Back to square one, it seems. Well, I shouldn't say that as it was yesterday when I learned this stuff about... 'you know who'... the cowardly bastard that left us...
I thought I'd gotten over the hurt from his leaving. I thought I'd moved on from it. Oh... Oh how -wrong- I was. The bastard himself sent a letter to Rick, detailing the whole, bare naked truth behind his coming into our lives.
Thankfully, Violet won't remember it. She's only a month old, and I don't want her to remember the anger I felt at finding out that he'd committed... several... unforgivable betrayals, not just the ones I knew already.
... He was sent to kill Rick, but found he couldn't... which I am thankful for... but he lied to everyone, including me, saying he was against the others who worked for his father... he lied to us from day one.
It... also turns out that he was already married. That my marriage to him was illegal because he was already wed. Nothing had come of it, as in his letter it was stated that it was something he could return to.
That rat bastard.
He did claim his love for me was genuine, but how was it genuine in any way? I refuse to believe he loved me at all, now. Towards the end of the illegal marriage, he was pushing me away, he was... not the man I fell in love with...
I fell for his lies like a child listening to a storyteller, thinking that everything spoken was true. I should have known better from the start, but I was naive enough to think that someone out there could love me without any lies.
I mean... I was, in essence, a mistress to him, this whole Gods-forsaken time, one he made a commitment with, and now I have his child... No. Violet is not, nor will ever be, his child. She is my child, and mine alone.
That's... not the worst part, though. Well, it is to me, but overall it's not the worst part. Because what he admitted next... Gods, I can't even write it down, that's how disgusting it is. I can't even think right from the disgust of... of remembering that admittance.
I was so... fucking stupid... I was blinded by the love I had for him.
And Rick... Gods... I was the one, that day he first came into our lives, that told him there was nothing to worry about... that -he- was telling the truth... This whole damn thing is my fault.
If I had listened from the fucking get-go, this wouldn't have happened!... None of this would have happened... I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter with me... You know something?... Even though things went to shit when that bastard left us...
Even though it's my fault everything went to shit in the first place...
I wouldn't change it... Because where would I be, without my daughter? What would I be doing? Becoming a mother... knowing that happiness... having my family around me... that's all that is... *a tear mark seems to blot out anything that was written here*
... That's all that is important to me right now. It's all that's keeping me going through this. My family... my family is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Dad, Dal, Cousin Ammy, Rick, Cedwyn, Bryse, my daughter Violet... just to name a few... everyone that's family to me... they're what's keeping me going...
