Stood on the top of a stair in the Thorin Hall homesteads, she looks across towards the Study and a certain house. Staring at the places that had become her home. Her eyes full of memories, mostly of him, her chest aching from the loss of him already. Her shoulders that stood strong as they spoke, are now slumped and heartbroken. Tears she did not think she had left to lose, fall one after another. She lets them, lets the grief out because its all she can do right now to ease the sharp pain and absence that has been left. She wondered where she would go next, she had no house here and had not the strength to stay in the Study.
The decision had been logical, almost cold as they took apart their life together. Perhaps that hurt most of all, she loved Fiontann and still did. So much so it hurt to breathe and yet in the end, emotions had no say. Still she hoped he was alright, he was a stubborn man and did not let many under the shield around his heart. Even she saw only moments under it. She hoped he had someone to talk to, to ease his pain if he felt any. In their duties, they'd grown apart and had little time to speak or be together. She'd often wished selfishly for him to look back at her as he worked hard as head of the Order. He lived for the kin and she both loved that and found it painful. But then it had been her fault. She never fought for him, just watched the chasm grow between them as he ran ahead and remained caught in indecision and inaction. Wondering where she fit.
Part of her pulls at her and tells her they gave up too easily, that she gave up too easily. But another reminds her that he suggested the parting and she accepted- what point was there in fighting for it when it would be one-sided. The thought makes her pull another pained breath as the tugging in her chest worsens at the thought. No she thinks less pain this way and she would not force anymore on him.
She turns and walks towards the exit of the homesteads, pulling the hood from the cloak over her head and deeply glad she brought it with her to hide her face for now. She would focus on completing the mission, it would distract her she hoped desperately. But after that..... perhaps it would be better to leave for a while.
