It's an odd thing, isn't it...
Even after I found out what my ex-husband did... even after my divorce... I still love him.
I must be a real idiot for it.
I suppose they don't lie when they say you never truly forget your first love... As much as I want to forget him, I can't... not completely...
My daughter is testament to that. My daughter... she looks quite a bit like him... she looked much more like him the very day she was born... It's when I look at her, that I feel... so, so happy... almost as if I had never really lost the man I fell in love with...
I...
I hate him, too... for lying to me... for breaking the promises he made to me... to Violet... for turning into the man he SWORE he wouldn't... for leaving instead of shouldering the consequences of his actions...
I don't want to be in love with someone who hurt me in such a way, even if I didn't know until after the relationship was over... after the marriage was over...
I want to move on from him... I'm ready to do just that... I don't think I will fully move on, though, because of my daughter, which... that is understandable, I suppose, given how much like him she looks...
My daughter makes me smile so much more than her father. Yes, even with how loud she can be... I've... I've never felt so happy before in my life...
I suppose I can see why they say that the day your baby comes into the world is much like a blind date that you know you will fall in love... and I am... honestly going to say that it's true, especially for a first-time mother...
Going back to the original topic, I suppose, the experience from his and my marriage is... definitely quite the teacher... I see now, and only now, that he and I moved way too fast in our relationship... it worked out so... so well before he found out... something about his mother... he... he was definitely a changed man after learning what he did...
Everything truly began to fall apart then, and... I let him in far too quickly for my own good... Next time... next time I will be sure to take my time... I don't want to be burned again, I don't want to... I don't want to be hurt... not only for my sake, but for my daughter's sake...
I want to be in love, yes... That I'll never doubt. But... I don't want to be in love with my ex-husband anymore...
