So here I am again on my rock in Far Chetwood. It has not been that long since I had Davick bring me back here for old times sake, but this time I am alone.
Talking to Drevorin about anything is an exercise in futility. He brought up my friendship with Davick again and how much he dislikes it. He told me all about his "complicated" relationship with Delinor, trying to use her as an example, a comparrison for Davick and I. It is interesting how he is so willing to talk, but never to listen. Should I so much as try to speak, he walks away from me. She comes in and he dismisses me.
What would he think, I wonder, if he knew that she too was close to Davick? Would he demand that she stop speaking to him also? Or would he make excuses?
He asks me if I ever consider his feelings in this. I must wonder the same of him.
Does he see how this is tearing me apart? Does he care? This is all about him, is it not? His feelings, his plans, his slaves, his wishes, his hatred, his vengeance. I will not play that game. I am no-ones puppet. I am no-ones pet. I am no-ones pawn.
He will not bend me to his will as he claims to have done with Delinor. He will not dictate my thoughts or actions. He will not tell me who I may or may not converse or spend time with. I am a free woman now and I shall stay that way.
I look around me now and I see the familiar trees, the cold water, the wind-break bush and my rock. I spent so much time here in the past, back when things were simple. I can only hope that my being here again now will restore some peace in me. It has been so long since I knew any.
I seek solitude. I seek time away from the arguments, the crushing oppression of being caught in the middle, being ripped at from both sides between my friends and my betrothed. I seek, but I do not find. All I find is lonliness. Numbing, cold, despairing lonliness.
