I do not know what is wrong with me. Well, perhaps I do.
I have been unable to sleep properly since it happened. Less so since Bearn forced me to feel again. The nightmares wake me every time I try and no matter what I cannot shake myself free of them.
I have been so short-tempered, which is unlike me. I have been lashing out at everyone who tried to speak with me. I do not like myself this way, but I can only assume that it is the exhaustion I feel; mental, emotional and physical. I find it hard to concentrate on anything. I find it hard to think straight.
Sleep. Sleep would aid me. An entire night of unbroken, soft, dark, relieving slumber.
Ruthrey came to speak with me. He seems incapable of understanding that Daigan means nothing to me. He insists on bringing that man into the conversation, expecting me to reply with anything other than disinterest. He mistakes my coldness for a lingering grudge when the truth is that I simply do not care. I have barely enough energy to push myself up out of bed in the morning. I certainly have none to spare in caring about the antics of a man who matters so little.
Blodwynn is another matter. She is engaged now, I am told. I should be happy for her, I know, but all I can think is that she is to tie herself to a monster for the rest of her days. Fake smiles are the worst thing one can wear and I shall not insult us both by fixing one on for her, or anyone else.
