Bonkil’s roars from above the ale keg sounded through the Hall of the Rangers and Caelwayn’s music filled it. Cheery tunes reminding me of home so very much. Aelly was dancing, teasing Altus and Ehlrandir to do so in their armour. I had to laugh imagining the sounds that would cause, never mind the grace they could show dancing in full plate!
Lord Aemir’s voice brought me back to the present, calmly yet clear over all the noises of music, chatting and laughter. A few able companions were gathered for a journey into the depths of Moria. My thoughts shall be with them, Moria is not a forgiving place as I have learned. I hope they will be alright and the light of day will shine on them again soon. Ehlrandir, too, excused himself and had to leave for his duties. I would follow him, if he asked, but then, maybe, I would be more in the way then of any use. My thoughts took me back to the last attempt to follow down that road and I could faintly feel the scar running along my chest, from the neck to my abdomen. It does that sometimes, some days it hurts more then others.
My gaze fell to Altus and guilt raised within me. So much so I had to excuse myself and rush for air. I thought I might swoon. Out quickly, now. Aelly came after me, but she must have noticed my pale face, for she let me go without questioning.
I looked out over the water by the kin hall and supported myself on the beautiful stone arches that framed the stunning view. I have no idea how long I stood there. I found myself crying, again. It was clear I had to tell him, and soon. Every passing day would only make things worse. As if he heard my thoughts Altus suddenly stood there, I was so lost in my own thoughts I did not even hear him coming. He turned me around in an embrace and tried to soothe me. And then he did what I dreaded so much and asked me what was wrong. I hesitated and then looked up at him.
Was this really the right time? Would there ever be a right time? There wouldn’t. I dug into my pocket and took out the signet ring I was carrying and I put it into Altus’ hand and closed his fist around it. He looked puzzled at it then and questioned me.
I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself and I told him I was sorry and that he may hate me after saying what I had to say now. Of course he assured me whatever I did he could never hate me. We were friends, so long, we counted on each other, always. And we always could, until now. Until I had kept from him for too long what I should have told him before anyone else. Fear surged within me again then. Fear for our friendship; fear what his temper may dictate him to do. I actually instinctively eyed about for cover. Foolish, Altus would never hurt me, but he intimidates me. Especially as he stood there, his plate scrubbed and polished for a new assignment, his weapons gleaming in the soft light, sharpened and cleaned recently. His arm still held me firmly in his grasp; there was no running from the truth this time.
I caught his eyes with mine and swallowed hard before I struggled with every word. He stared at me for moments that felt like forever, his eye grew cold and sent a shiver down my spine, his hands still on my arms tightened and I flinched a little. He let go of me then and I fell to my knees, ashamed, resigned to the fact this was the end of our friendship. He lowered himself down to me then. I could not look at him so I hide my face with my hands. His words still resound clearly in my head. You can’t seriously mean that… this can’t be true. How? When? he uttered, his voice icy and angry. Who did this? I shook my head, not thinking he could not see until his voice grew louder and brought me to my senses and I said I did not know. I told him all I could then, trembling as I did, fighting back tears hopelessly. How long have you been hiding this from me? My heart ached then. Guilty. What had I done.
He got to his feet and pulled me with him, looked me in the eyes and took off his gauntlets, dropping them to the floor before rubbing his thumbs over my cheeks and wiping away the tears. He held my head between his hands and made me look back at him, leaned his forehead to mine and called me a stupid girl. My knees wanted to give way as all tension eased from my body but I stood firm to my own surprise. This wasn’t my fault he said, only that I should never be scared to tell him anything.
We agreed to go and pay our respects to her then when he kissed my forehead and bid me to give him a moment. He walked away from me and I looked after him. I hadn’t seen so much pain in his eyes before but I tried hard not to cry again.
Then I heard him roar and watched him toss his axe to the ground in the distance before he went to his knees sinking his head to the ground and grabbing the raw earth with his fists. I walked over to him slowly then, and after a while of just standing by his side he finally looked up at me. He told me he never thought that day would come. I reached out for him to help him get to his feet, not that I would have a chance at that realistically but it seemed the right gesture at the time. He took it and got up still holding it as he looked at me, his eyes looked so empty and emotionless again it made me shiver. I squeezed his hand tightly with both of mine and nodded and we made our way to Celon-I-Thynd and to Cerwyn’s last resting place. On our way we thought of Daryth, whom we yet had to tell all this. The death of his sister. It would be hard.
When we arrived at Cerwyn’s old home we stood before her grave in silence for a time. Her sword was arranged on the ornately crafted tombstone and beautiful flowers were planted around it. She had made all the arrangements herself, again that thought chilled me. She knew. Altus went to place Cerwyn’s ring on the grave but I stopped him then, telling him she’d have wanted him to wear it with pride and honour and in her memory. He kneeled then and bowed his head, the ring still resting on a small rock by the disturbed earth of her grave.
His voice rang clear then, “Cerwyn, if I live or die, regardless I will find them men who did this... I will bring honour back to your family and find your son and bring him home...” Echuir, the small lad was missing after they found her body. We have no idea what became of him yet. Altus then drew a dagger from his belt and slid across his palm. I could no longer keep my emotions under control then, I closed my eyes and cried. “An oath of blood…” he said and I opened my eyes again to see his blood drip onto the earth beneath before he picked up the ring and slid it onto his small finger “For the House of Whitesteed and for the fallen” he said and knelt deeply once more before he got up and turned away.
We decided to spend the night in Cerwyn’s old home. I retreated to the upstairs bedroom where I am now sat before the fire left with my thoughts. Altus wanted to sleep outside, I saw him take several wine bottles with him. It is hard for me to leave him alone to his grief, but that is what he wished and I have to respect that. I should rest really, tomorrow we have to journey back to Bree…
