Egfor lay awake, unable to sleep this night. Tonight was a night he lay awake due to being plagued by worries and anxieties. He closed his eyes and listened to the soft, relaxed breathing of the man next to him. He rolled onto his side, pressing himself against Idh's back, wrapping his arms around him. He presses his face into the crevice of his neck and shoulder, inhaling his comforting scent.
He closed his eyes, sighing softly. He wondered why Idh picked him. Worry and doubt began to gnaw away at him.
Give it a few years. When I am old and ugly, he will find someone else.
Egfor did not see any lovable qualities within himself other than that he was told he was good in bed. He sighs softly, doubting that Idh truly loved him and was only doing this to humour him.
His thoughts drifted towards their age. Egfor was quite a bit older, knowing he would die long before Idh. The fact that Idh was a Dunedain didn't help. He furrows his brow, worried now. He was scared of having the younger man fall for him, and the heartbreak he would endure at Egfor's death. He also worked about his other friends: Gal, Dal, Ithil, and even Miss Cesistya, if he could be bold enough to call her a friend. He would leave them all behind and they would grieve. He wished he was successful in killing himself, only if to spare others the heartbreak of caring for a old mortal man doomed to die soon.
His doubts surfaced once more, silently questioning and doubting what the man in his arms felt.
There is nothing about me to love. I am old, promiscuous, rude and bawdy, temperamental, obnoxious, depressed, traumatized... and more. I am not someone to be loved.
He closed his eyes, tears running down his cheeks. He hoped they would not wake Idh up as he held onto his lover, silently crying himself to sleep as he drowned in his worries and doubts.
