Found:
Nen Harn, at sunrise in winter, is horribly cold! Why on earth anyone would choose such a time and place to wed is beyond me! But Rahvic and I duly attended, as promised. It was... nice. The pair are clearly in love, well-suited and Dernwynn did look utterly radiant!
I must confess, however, that I did not expect a wedding to be quite so... boring. It is unkind of me to say, perhaps, and thus I certainly will do no such thing to the bride or groom! But all the speechifying, all the standing around in the frigid air, it felt like it went on for hours!
To break the monotony, and because I had promised, I did disrobe at one point in the ceremony, although not for long! I fear I almost gave my poor brother a heart attack when I did so, but even were it not for his wild-eyed blushing, the temperature was far too low for me to stay naked for more than a few moments!
Rahvic was taken ill, alas, and could not attend the after-party. I suppose I should have made more of an effort to attend myself, but I fear my mood had sunken too low for such a thing. 'twas no fault of Dernwynn or Ruemax, of course! My daft brother had, earlier in the proceedings, made the mistake of alluding to the future nuptials that everyone seems to believe I should undertake, which turned my mind to the man I been purposely not thinking of!
I miss him terribly.
I worry for him whenever I let my mind drift toward him. Is he warm? Is he well-fed? Is he safe? Is he alive? If he is, has he fallen afoul of her again? If he lives, will he return the same maddened, awful thing that once choked me? If he lives, will he return at all? He had once said that if she did effect him a second time, he'd rather run than risk hurting me again.
I fear...
Passing back through Bree on my way to a party I would never actually manage to attend, I ran into Balnirar. Caught in my own thoughts, he managed to sneak up behind me! Alas, his joke of poking me in the back and declaring himself a brigand out to rob me resulted in my elbowing him in the face, an act for which I was instantly contrite! He forgave me, thankfully.
I can't remember how we got onto such a thing, but our conversation resulted in a wager; I am to make him blush! If I manage, he will teach me to play the bagpipes. If I fail, I must impart to him my real name. This, to me, seems a safe enough bet for, even should I fail in my task, I believe that I might be able to trust him with such a thing, assuming I swear him to secrecy first! Dwarven honour is, after all, a legendary thing.
We saw the swindler again - Kelynn, she is called. It was entertaining watching her work her skills upon another new face, a man calling himself Waldmann, who bought a used scarf from her for four silver pieces! The girl has talent, that's for sure!
Now, I am tired and my heart is leaden. I sit within the confines of the hated house, seriously contemplating how best to cuddle a pillow as I fall asleep tonight. I think, between the worry, the reminders and the nightmares, I am not handling this well at all.
To that end, I shall begin a second ledger; one for the recording of my dreams alone. If I am not willing, or able, to speak of them aloud, then perhaps committing them to parchment might help banish them from my mind. It is worth a try, at least.
It's either that, or bang my head against the wall repeatedly.
