Bulliwyf looked at me with his finger over his lip. “Whatever it happens you shut up” “Bulliwyf… I am not agree with this…” “You and your fucking honour, but you lied to stay here and we are in this issue cause of that, so shut up and keep lying, dumb!!!”, “We are here cause you forced me to disobey the orders and to go to look for him! “ He looked at me with an angry gaze “Did i? Are you sure I forced you?!!” I looked at him guilty “ I… am sorry… I…!”. He raised his hand and stopped my words looking at me deeply hurt “This conversation… is over…!!!”.
He talked to the captain while I was acting as the dumb I was for them… Herger, me and him were there standing while all the words were spoken… at the end Captain believed we were heroes that saved 98 men and rescued another 2. Well that was… what happened… but it wasn´t cause we saw a suspicious movement into the cave… it was cause… we disobeyed the orders and found that by accident.
At the end of the day I felt a bit better, Bulliwyf wasn´t angry with me yet… and well… everything ended well… the only thing that made me feel guilty was … that lie. But in this world of men… women don’t have another possibility… or we follow their rules, or we lie to follow ours… I am not proud of what I did… but… I still feel is something I had to do.
The following days I tried not to move of the nursery and being beside Anadryt. He screamed in dreams… and I couldn´t talk to him…. just taking his hand when none was looking at us. But then one day I thought we were safe… I took his hand and I told him in a whisper… “Come back to me, my love…!. Words enough for being discovered and reported for the healer that I didn’t see.
The captain didn’t look at me so well this time… he was disappointed and angry, but I could see a warm gaze under all that duty. The summarize of the conversation was I had to leave Rohan. There wouldn’t be any punishment for my husband cause I was in the group who saved his men, but I still had to leave. Anadryt´s honor for mine. That is how the army payed to me my services. I fought as a man, I bleed as my mates, I sweat like them and I serve them, but at the end I was only a woman and a woman can´t have honor in the war. And the worst of all this was… I was going to stay apart of him.
Destiny gifted me to see him awake before I left. He was so broken… so weak… I don’t even know how I had strength to convince him to stay… he had a duty to do… he had to help his land… he would never forgive himself if he came back with me. I kissed his shadow cause he was not there… and I cried looking for him again… cause he was awake but I couldn´t see his light. I don’t even feel he loved me… he just was lost… I fought one more time for bring him back… but this time I don’t know if I got it… and something in my heart was telling me that maybe finally I would lose him… I didn’t tell it to him when he started to cry, I just got up for him as I always do and I told him “ look at me… you are not broken… right? you are the strongest man I´ve ever seen and I am proud of you…”. He just nodded and made an effort to stand again for me… then I had to go. Now he was alone with my plait of dark hair, for him to remember my will and my love were there always for him…
