not alone

I must write ... I writing I am not alone. Twice now I have moved, further into the marshes. The mist closes in on me, no longer a welcome veil...and it is dark, so very dark. I feel that dark settle on my skin, palpable dark... a nothing that envelopes, seeps into pores. Somewhere above me are stars, I believe it to be true, but nothing of stars or moon are here. All my light for this scratching is come from Esteluinil. She radiates softly, the only illumination. But I know what she tells me - orcs wander at will in these hills, and of them I have no fear... but this... I write, for fear of being alone. ... I refuse to move again! ... I sense... the darkness resolving into itself. Where would I flee to, from this dark? I will not be herded, not be goaded hither and yon like a frightened child! Malice and horror drift in the mist, it touches me, caresses me - I must cover my ears from its whispering despair. ... Would that Araenion and Randir were here ... but what use... what use, even Gondor and Arnor united ... it comes, soft footed ... what virtue is in them against this night's malevolent walker? Ai! that I were some Lady of the Noldor, Turanien's steadfastness, that Gilrandir or Anglachelm stood beside me in their radiance! Cironael's wisdom, Aldalin's skill ... that I held any even in some small measure... I am lost, I must write! I dare not be alone! I cannot fight with flower and bee and needle. What form comes? Is this to be me, then, is this what an end is? ... I hear it now, the sounds stand proud in the silence - Men come through the dark. Ill words on orc tongues ... and Esteluinil flares. There is little time... I shall not run! If I may not stand beneath the true bright stars, Caluinilhir's banner must stand for them. I will never finish it now, never gift him the stars of the north to carry beside him, nor hold in hope to bring courage to the hearts of Men. It must serve for me, then. I will stand, with Esteluinil and bear the bright north stars. I shall take heart, there shall be no taint on my race because of me! I shall