Long has it been since last I opened this tome. Long has it been since last I committed thought to paper and ink. That a once daily task, a ritual of such importance, should fall so thoroughly by the wayside is odd, perhaps, and yet the world has changed such a great deal for me.
Rellas is gone now. I know not where or why. Like so many others, he has simply disappeared into the ether. Sadly, I find that I do not miss him. The stress and discomfort he caused with his continued efforts to kindle a romantic relationship with me far exceeded the advantages of keeping him close. Indeed, many of the dangers he sought to protect me from were of his own making. Regardless of hindsight in this matter, I harbor the man no ill-will. In truth, I only hope that he has found the peace he so desperately sought and that whatever keeps him distant is that which causes him the most joy.
Meanwhile, Cybryn grows more every day. He is a truly beautiful child with his eyes of steel grey and a thick shock of black hair. Even at this age, so young and innocent, I see in him his father and I wish...
Thankfully, I do not raise him entirely alone. Some time after his birth a woman was brought to me. Severely injured, she was required to rest within the walls of my abode for an extended period of time in order to fully heal. Ilrantha. A cripple, yes, but not incapable. I hired her in the end, allowing her use of the smaller house nearby for she had no home of her own. She is rough, coarse and ill-educated, but she is wonderful with Cybryn and her skills as a cook are sublime.
Cyfier, of course, remains absent. After so long with no word, after so many failed attempts to find him, I can only conclude that I shall not see him again. I do not, for a moment, believe that he has willingly abandoned us. I cannot bring myself to think so lowly of him. He may have been misguided at times, made bitter and violent by the world around him, but he was neither shallow or selfish. He would have returned to me if he could; a fact that leads me to believe him dead. As harsh and painful a thought as it may be, I have come to terms with it.
What choice do I have? It is bad enough that I linger here in Bree, a land that I have never loved. A land in which I simply do not belong. All that I loved here is long since lost to me. The only things holding me here are a desire to ensure that Haldrid is happy before I walk away and the knowledge that Cyfier would have wanted his son raised in this place. To stay for the sake of a memory and out of obligation to a ghost is sentimental to the point of foolishness. To do so whilst spending my every day in mourning is unhealthy, not least for my child.
I must sing for him the song that I had hoped I would never be called upon to give voice to.
I must let him go.
I must move on.
When Delinor returns to Haldrid, when again I see him truly smile and can be assured that his heart is in deserving hands, then I shall depart this wretched place. I may find no happiness in other lands either, but at the very least I will not be suffocated by the pains of the past.
((Cue shameless self-promotion:
Books 1 and 2 of my Assassin's legacy quadrilogy are available for purchase through Amazon:
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00EKPHMG6
and
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00LEWXZ5A
Whilst the above are the UK links, the books are available through many different country-specific Amazon sites, including .com and .de.))
