Monday... This week started the same way as every week. The first thing I do in the morning is to write in my diary or play a little song. But this day I couldn't really help writing down does words I always have feared writing down, each day a hope fading away. Is about my father...I have realize he most likely don't exist on this world anymore. I am soon turning 36 years old and all my life I have been looking for him. Looking for the man I remember when I was just 8 years old. I have been looking for the bard just as young as I am now for 27 years ago. But what I never considered is that if I met him,he probably would not recognize me anymore. I still carries this silly hope inside me ,to see the man that teached me how to be a good person and search for the right values. But most of all the man that teached me great sorrow and how to long for someone so badly.
I travel around much as Achazia the bard, or with my band the Shades. But at the same time I travel because I still carry this hope inside me, perhaps he will recognize my songs or the way I play my songs. After all it was my father that teached me the love of music and how to create and perform it. I have been borned and raised by another family in Combe that knew my father very well. They treated me like their own daughter and I had a really good childhood. And I love them as my own family indeed. But unfortunally they never could fill this emptiness I have inside my heart, I never felt I was one of them.
Anyhow Combe is my hometown in so many ways. It was in Combe I grew up and it was in Combe under the bright moon I last time saw my father. It was here he left me with his lute, promised to find me again. It was under the bright moon he told he loved his little girl so much, but he had to leave to find work he said.... Several years ago I made a song called Moondance as a song remembering this moment. It always makes me happy, but at same time very sad. But the song makes me remember him very clearly as it was yesterday I saw him..
Anyway..I went to Combe later this day, to the Market again and I couldn’t help looking to the direction where the stable masters is placed. Searching for a bard playing cheerful melodies, a bard that once was my father and whom I looked up too. And I don’t know why I do it, why I always look for him wherever I go, but I can't really help it. Luckely there was many of my friends around this evening.. Lithia, Tingilinde, Kosei and Abergar.. Abergar as usual alway throws out sarcastic comments about this and that.. Kosei always so gentle , nice and have this most lovely eyes.. Oh..He is to young for me anyway.. I shouldn’t waste anymore silly thought about him. *smile* And Lithia and her daughter Tingilinde were around aswell.. And we played songs and ate honey-cakes Amadreruil had cooked.
Wednesday... Oh thinking to go to Bullroarer Remembrance Day in Brockenborings in The Shire. I lived in Shire for some months when I needed to get away and find inspiration to my songs. Yes, I left for selfish reasons, but I had to go away to a place were noone would interrupt me. Many songs has been created based on certain events in Shire, just the surroundings in Shire is a huge inspirationsource, it reminds me about a bright Summerday no matter what time on year it is.
Tonight there was a concert and race..Hosted by the People of the Shire and the band Pied Pipers. I went there with my nicest green dress, just to show them the respect of this day that is very important for the hobbits. It was lovely indeed, oh how they played on their instruments. It made me forget my sorrows and I felt happy and cheerful again.
I met my friend Baylanadan after the event, a ranger from Tinnundir, he looked so serious and at the same time so different. And he told me some very suprising news, it kept my thoughts occupitated the rest of the evening. And right now I do not know what to do. My heart seems to be dragged in different directions nowadays.
Three Ladies dressed in Green...Lithia, Tingilinde and myself
Thursday.. Seems someone know that I am in Shire. A tiny letter is placed outside my door on the ground. A very small and tidy handwritig written in a language I know so well, but can't really read and understand, well some words I do understand, but not all of them. It was from my little friend Gormadock, and I manage to understand it was an invitation on a event from him and his friend in this Kin I can't prounounce. I went there as soon as I was finishin my daily duties.. And I can tell you it was a great event.. Even though I could not understand the hobbit language that well *laughs and winks*. But they made me feel so much welcome! And I had a lovely time!!! Music, Tales, Horserace, Riddles..What more can you long for?.. Oh well. I didn not understand the language that well. But they did their best to make me understand..Their kindness really touched me alot
Well..There was some hobbits on the event.. That gave me a suspicious look....*laughs*
