Eruir Adanonnen

-----------

Ten

"Eruir." She said with her ever solemn voice, placing me in the cover of two large boulders and a half-withered bush. The air was cold and damp with fog, veiling my sight like something out of a dream. I was just a child then, four or five years old, with dark skin, dark brown hair down to my shoulders and curious grey eyes. Mother was an elf. A beautiful elf with deep blue eyes, long black hair and skin as pale as moonlight.

Mother looked at me with a faint smile and eyes filled with worry. She took a firm hold on my shoulders, looking into my eyes with her piercing gaze. "Eruir." She repeated. "Stay here, Eruir. Do you understand?"

I nodded. But just as I did, my body twitched with worry as I heard the menacing noises from within the thick fog. Clashing metal, growls, shreiks and elven warcries. I was terrified, but mother ran her hand gently down my arm and forced another of her kind, reassuring smiles. "Close your eyes, Eruir." She said. "Close your eyes and count to ten. You remember ten, yes?"

I nodded again and began to count. "Mîn..."

She was gone in an instant and immediately her voice joined the sounds from within the taunting fog. I just continued to count with about two seconds between each number. "...Tâd...Nêl...Canad..."

I began pressing my hands against my ears, trying to block out the sounds. But then I could hear the fast paced rythm of my heartbeat and breathing. I was so scared. "...Leben...Eneg...Odog...Tolodh...Neder..."

By the time I had counted to nine, I was crying. I was just about to say ten, when someone put their hand on my soulder. My eyes shot open, staring directly into mother's eyes. She nodded reassuringly and smiled. "It is okay, Eruir. You are safe now."

I just stared at her with my teary eyes and said, "...Pae."

Man-born

My name is Eruir. Mother named me thus. That time in the Trollshaws, when I hid and counted to ten. That is the earliest memory I have of mother. It was during our long travel to Lindon from Harad. Mother, myself and a small company of elves travelled from Harad, through the realm of Gondor, past the white mountains, along the shores of Belegaer till we reached the river Gwathló and followed it north, past the angle and all the way up to the Ford of Bruinen and Imladris. We remained in Imladris for a time. From there it was just mother, myself and another elven maid who travelled west through Eriador, all the way to Lindon.

I know what you might be thinking. A southron girl with an elven mother, who travelled such a long way? It sounds unlikely to say the least.

The truth is, I was a child and I do not remember it well. I have no memories of Harad, nor do remember much of the journey to Imladris. It is only images, sounds and feelings; such as the towering White Mountains, the vastness of Belegaer and the dense forests on the Minhiriath side of Gwathló.

Mother's name was Linnaeilia. Obviously, she was not my real mother. She found me in Harad when I was three years old. Mother, along with four other elves were scouting in Harad. That is when she found me, sitting alone in a burnt down village with no sign of anyone else. Mother took me with her, and thus began the long journey to Imladris and home, to Lindon. I was nearly six when we finally arived. I do not know my real birthday. Mother simply placed it on the day she found me.

Mother never told me why she took me along. Maybe it was out of pity. Though, to be honest, I believe it was as much for herself, as it was for me. Mother used to be a warrior. The other elves would speak of her like an artist, wielding a blade instead of a brush. I think she felt the sea-longing. I think she wanted out. I think she was preparing herself to go West, but could not bear to simply quit the fight against the growing shadow. Finding me, she found a reason to put down her blade. 

Life in Lindon was pleasent and safe. I spent my days learning and practising language and crafts. I speak Sindarin and the tongue of Men and I learned to cook, sew, play the flute and so on. Mother was almost always at my side.

Despite a safe and sound upbringing, I never fit in. It might seem obvious, being a southron girl among the elves. Do not get me wrong. I loved mother and her kin, but it is difficult being the odd one out. When I was about fifteen or sixteen I even rebelled against mother. I would run away  for a couple of days. I would tear up my dresses or cut my hair. The thing is, mother never acknowledged my attempts to rebel. I was not followed if I ran away and always ended up coming home. She would not comment on my dresses and I ended up sewing them again. When I cut my hair, she simply said she liked it. I kept it like that ever since.

The elves in Lindon eventually began calling me Eruir Adanonnen; Eruir Man-born.

Run
 

"It will be nice to come home again." I said with a deep sigh. Mother and I were heading home from Diollond on foot, having spent about a week in The Blue Mountains. We cut through the woods, away from the roads as we often did when travelling. We often went on small trips, either to trade or just to wander. I think mother liked it, considering her time as a warrior.

"I thought you were getting bored at home, Eruir. That is why we went on this trip to begin with." She replied with her calm and solemn voice. She then gave me a hard shove on my arm, making me fumble sideways, laughing.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. It is still nice to-" I paused mid sentence, stunned by the sight before me. Creeping out from their hiding places behind a series of trees and boulders, about six to eight goblins appeared.

"Mother..!" I uttered in a hoarse, terrified voice. I tried to move, but I simply could not. My body would not let me.

The goblins snarled and laughed with their creeping little voices, slowly stepping closer, all armed. Mother turned to me, her eyes piercing mine. "Run, Eruir!"

I knew that look. I saw it once before, a long time ago in the Trollshaws. There was only one difference. This time, I never saw her again. As soon as mother told me to run, my body moved. It began to run back towards Duillond. I just kept on running and running for what seemed like hours. Luckily we never wore dresses when travelling.

I do not even remember what happened. I blacked out and woke up a day later in Duillond. I must have kept on running for hours until I reached Duillond and collapsed. It was not till I explained it to the elves in Duillond that I realised it myself. Mother was not armed when I left her.

Naturally, the elves sent out a search party to look for her. All they found was a couple of dead goblins and a lot of blood; some of it red. Goblins had begun pouring out of Sarnúr and extended their reach into the woods of Ered Luin. Now, mother was gone and I was alone.

Walking alone

You probably knew mother died from the very beginning, since I have spoken of her in past tense. Though it is cliché to say, I never knew how much she meant to me, until she was gone. She had been with me every day for as long as I can remember. I depended on her.

Now. She is gone.

I was escorted back to Lindon by two elven guards. It felt like the longest trip I had ever taken. Probably because I felt more alone than a single star in the vast night sky. When I came home, I sorted out mothers things. Clothing, dresses and books mainly. That is when I found it. A letter with my name on it. It wrote:

"My dearest Eruir,

Today is your twenty-fifth birthday and I will be gone. I know this is not what you expected on your birthday, but it is time for me to head West, and it is time for you to stand on your own two feet. I have every confidence in you and I know you will grow to become a strong woman. I always knew that you would eventually leave Lindon as I have. Your heart longs for travel and adventure. I know this, even if you do not yet realise it.

Go to Imladris and Lothlórien. I have left something for you there, in both places. They will know once you arrive there. The journey and the people you meet. They will help you grow into your own person.

Do not be angry or sad, Eruir. I have chosen the path that was meant for me. Now you must find yours. Remember me with as much fondness as I will always remember you. I know you are wondering why I did not say goodbye. Simply could not bear it. Think of our past month together. That was my goodbye, along with this.

Your mother, Linnaeilia."

By the time I was done reading, I had burst into tears. I always knew mother planned ahead and I always sensed she wished to travel to the West. But I just felt so angry that I had been cheated of the last year I could spend with mother. So bitterly angry.

I leave now on my journey of growth, as mother would have wanted it. I cannot help but wonder if I will find a place, where I feel I belong. I have always been the odd one out in Lindon, will I feel thus in the realms of Men? Should I return to Harad? Is that what mother meant?

I simply do not know and there is so much in this world that I know nothing about. I have little experience as a traveller and none as a warrior. But I can complete this journey. Mother believed I could.