And so it was that we slipped back into the familiar pattern of our day-to-day lives. But I noticed that Estarfin seemed a touch sad.
“We have waited for over six thousand years for this. I think taking a few weeks, a month to just enjoy being together is not a lot to hope for.”
I understood. In part I was unsure if I could ever feel life was a familiar pattern again. I had what I most longed for and was heartily thankful for that, although it did not mean I had nothing else on my mind. Estarfin went back to strengthening the walls of Númenstáya, to planning what needed finishing before the autumn, and its earlier nights. I set about organising the house, and transferring many of my books and scrolls to a nearby dwelling, a separate study that any of us could use. I discussed our gardens and food and wine supplies with Filignil, and tried to aid Estarfin each afternoon. I was happy, but I was not completely settled.
We needed a little longer to just enjoy ourselves, I agreed. Snatching a few hour’s ride in the old hunting grounds in Yondershire was fun, and we talked and laughed often when just in each other’s company. Our romantic, relaxing walks along the river soon led us to a quiet tavern in Celondim, where the innkeeper proved both charm and understanding. But something was still missing, and I only had the faintest notion of what it was. Estarfin was working on spears and lanterns to sell, and the fortifications to keep us safe. I was making jewellry to sell to the folk of Duillond and Celondim, to add to our available coin. Not that I was ashamed so to do, but I felt I was somehow failing in my contribution.
Strangely, I thought of Caranthir often. He had wanted me to be a jewelsmith, and I was. He had forbidden me to wed Estarfin, and I had disobeyed. Ah well, I could not be expected to do all he wished. I had, and still did, honour him greatly.
‘What is it, my Prince? What is it I am missing?’ I thought quite often. There was never any answer. Neither would I speak with Estarfin about the matter, until I had more clarity concerning what it was.
We should go to the coast, I thought then. Away from all others for a few weeks, to adjust to our new reality, and to speak of further hopes and dreams. I wanted the sea, the shores and waves, and most certainly not a ship into the West.
But Estarfin had long suffered from the Sea-longing. Although he was undisturbed around the river, the coast was another matter. He had stayed in Mithlond but briefly. I would not place him in any danger or discomfort. I had also had experience with the Sea-longing only two years ago, my first such reaction. It had been painful to nigh lose my mind with that overwhelming summons. I would rather not think about it.
If I were taken with the affliction, Estarfin would bring me home. But if he were taken by it? Ai! I knew not if I would manage to return him to safety? And so a precaution occurred in my mind.
As to where we should go, my Grandmother’s Halls to the East of Forlond were foremost in my thought, almost as if the idea was planted there.
I had dwelt in those Halls after she had taken ship, remaining with her servants and my assistants for over three years, until I had taken up wandering again. They were good days, with Aearlinn, Ceuro, Cirthel and Varyamo. We had kept the place tidy, sorted out much of her large collection of books and scrolls, and participated in the life of the small village. There was a main hall, a few stores, two inns, and a pavilion for musical performances on the cliff top. It was very small, but was only a half an hour walk to Forlond, the last city of the Noldor, so close to our Kingdoms of old. I had liked dwelling there. I had only departed because of my wish to see Eregion again, and because of my wish to see him–no place, however bright, could be my home, if he was not there.
So I decided to broach the idea with Estarfin, on one of our walks.
He frowned at the mention of the sea, but then said, “I will follow wherever you go, Racarnë, you know that. Yet I am uncertain about being so near it.”
I did know he would come with me, but I did not want it to be an obligation. I wanted us to go and be at peace. To have the space and time to really discuss things. And to laugh while we walked under the stars.
So I played my card, my ‘precaution’. “What if Parnard comes with us?”
He raised a brow. He loved Parnard as family, but… “Parnard is almost always with us. I thought you wanted to be alone with me?”
“I do want us to be alone. But Parnard is discreet, and he may well enjoy a change of scenery. In truth I am thinking of the Sea-longing, meldanya. If you are at all affected, Parnard and I can probably get you safely inland. I would be more certain of aiding you with Parnard than alone.”
He frowned again. “If I am affected, I shall take myself inland.”
“But I understand now how strong the effects can be. You may well want to take ship. I alone shall not be able to prevent it. I cannot risk that happening. Besides, Parnard enjoys swimming and fishing: he will not always be with us. He loves being near water. My only thought is do we invite another to keep him company?”
“Miruviel?”
I smiled. “Perhaps later? I want us to be away from the household for just a short while. No duties, no decisions, no building. We have the opportunity. We should take it.”
He stopped walking and drew me close. “Forlond you say? That is no long ride. When would you have us travel?”
“Thank you, meldanya. We depart the day after tomorrow? And we return at the first hint of Sea-longing from either of us.”
“Or from Parnard?”
I chuckled. “I have always hoped he would not be afflicted.But yes, it is possible.”
So it was decided. So it came to pass.
