I've heard said that the best way to get your mind off something is to keep busy with something else. And you'd think that if anything could get a lad off your mind, it'd be another lad.
That sounds poorly in writing. It's not like that. Of course, I know it's not like that. And it's not as if anyone else ever will read this diary.
Sometimes the folk around Knotwood and Bree ask me why I'm not married yet. Most lasses my age are settled down and have a few little ones already. Sometimes my leg is a good excuse, but it's not really the reason.
At least, I don't think it is.
I always did wonder if... that were why I weren't good enough for him...
Half of my mind says "of course you wasn't good enough, you knew that from the first time he walked in the door". But the other half says "don't be a fool, none of that mattered".
Which half is right?
I've gone back and forth with it so many times and I can't figure it out.
Now all of a sudden out of nowhere, I've been kissed again. More than once.
It didn't feel like it did the first time.
Are we supposed to wait to feel things? Is that how we know when to act? I don't want to end up an old maid, really. I look at Missus Hopmead and I think of Missus Holbrook, and of Ma, and see how happy they were with their husbands and children and families. Isn't that what this life is all about in the end?
I still feel young. Youngish. Is youngish a word? I know an unmarried lass with a good reputation is still respecti respectu respectable. There's a lass on the other side of the village what runs her own tailoring shop. I've heard folk whisper that she's not married as she's not very pretty. I don't know if that's true or not, but she's nice and she has a good hand at sewing, so what does anyone care if she's pretty or not?
A silly world this is, I think.
Anyway, all this writing to say that I wish a good hug and a kiss could drive out the memories of other hugs and kisses.
So far, it hasn't worked.
Maybe I just need to try harder.
