1
With wrath and great heroicism we sprang after Mr Elessar and his ghostly army of ghoulish wraiths, shouting, ‘Hurrah!’ and ‘Now you’ll get it!’ and ‘Die!’ as we chased those wretched corsair pirates from Umbar.
And as we ran and our enemies fled, so did it seem as if it were like as if Mr Elessar did grow in power and majesty, like one of the kings of old or something like that. And as Mr Elessar’s power grew, so too did his mastery of the Last Ring, and as that grew, so too also did the horrible terror and power of his army of ghosts. And as we charged, many people did flee before the fell terror that did fall with our passage. And so great was the fear laid upon those lands by Mr Elessar’s dead host that afterwards, when I was having a drink with some of the Rangers, even they did confess that they had been quaking with fright and fear, because of how scary the ghosts were. And even was it so that only Mr Elessar and Angbor the Fearless were unafraid. And of course me, Lord Tallow.
So we chased and the Corsairs fled and sometimes one of them tripped over or ran a bit too slowly, and then the grey spirits did flood upon that unfortunate soul and did EAT HIM ALIVE. Yea, verily did they strip flesh from bone and FEAST upon the living person even as he became a dead person, because he was being DEVOURED. And then did the shade of the slain pirate or Haradrim-man RISE even from his very bones once they had been picked clean by Mr Elessar’s dead army, and join the unholy throng in pursuit of the living. It was horrible.2
And so the Corsairs fled, and we pursued them, even unto Angbor’s home of Pelargir, the great port city of Gondor. Pelargir is a great harbour city, the home of the fleet of Gondor, that lies upon the Anduin. In Argillond, the great dock of Pelargir, is the might of Gondor’s ships, though the fair vessels were now razed and gutted by the fierce Corsair attack.
It is a venerable and mighty city, founded by the giant West-men in an age long forgotten, and has stood since that time for years uncounted by any man.3 When the West-men all died, the noble Men of Gondor claimed Pelargir and have lived there ever since. Oft has it been beset by foes, and was of a time occupied even by the wicked Corsairs and Rangers, which is why they had returned there, I suppose.
Its ancient lineage and mercantile importance has allowed Pelargir an unusual degree of freedom and self-governance within Gondor. Though beholden to the High Steward in Minas Tirith, and obligated to serve Gondor in its wars, Pelargir is nonetheless truly proud and chiefly free in the management of its affairs.
Pelargir is a mighty trade-city, a centre for merchants and travellers going by land and sea alike. Many are the fine and exotic goods that pass its streets, and likewise does Pelargir attract many exotic and strange peoples, from all the world over. So it is that the garb and fashion of Pelargir is fine indeed, bright-coloured and gaudy and entrancing.
The lowlands surrounding Pelargir are rich and fertile, and its shipwrights are beyond compare. In addition to Pelargir’s status as a centre of commerce, it is famed for its artistry, its music, and its literature. The curious art of working in glass is also refined beyond measure in Pelargir, and the glass-blowers and artisans of the city produce marvels the likes of which are unmatched across the world. With many fantastic hues and in forms delicate and intricate is glass crafted and shaped in Pelargir, and truly is it not possible to tarry in that city without admiring this extraordinary art.
Pelargir is one of the largest cities in Gondor, and perhaps the most ancient. Its emblem is a blue anchor set on white and trimmed in gold, and it is home to a great population of gulls and other seabirds.4
So me and Mr Elessar and all the Rangers and Angbor’s army and Angbor and also all the ghosts charged into Pelargir after the wicked fleeing Corsairs, who were trying to get to their ships and run away.
‘Stop those Corsairs from getting away on their ships!’ cried Mr Elessar dramatically.
At once, the ghosts streamed out even into the harbour, killing everyone to death. Even in the sorcerous darkness commanded by Mr Elessar, the glow of their eyes could be seen, and it was red and terrible. The Haradrim-men did they slay first, even as they turned and made ready to fight, but they could not fight, because they were dead. Then the shadow host set upon all the nasty Corsairs and stopped them from escaping by slaughtering them.
Yet, even as the Corsairs were slain, we could hear great commotion and terror from the ships and lo! it became revealed to us that there were many slaves yet trapped on the ships! Then Mr Elessar said, ‘Keep killing all the Corsairs, but make sure you don’t kill any slaves by accident or on purpose.’ And yea did the horrible dead wraiths obey his command, even though they were very scary and evil! For such was the power of the Last Ring that Mr Elessar now commanded.
Then once all the evil men were dead, we boarded the ships, and freed all the slaves, and they were very grateful, and did weep and embrace us though some still screamed a bit because they were very scared. But Mr Elessar said, ‘Don’t be scared,’ and some of them became less scared.
Then Mr Elessar said, ‘Come with us! For we must go to Minas Tirith and stop the High Steward Denethor from doing whatever he’s up to!’ And so many of the Gondorians had to come on the ships, even if they didn’t really want to.5
And Mr Elessar commanded each of his Rangers to captain a ship each, and also he gave me one, because he really respected everything I had done. But for himself Mr Elessar took the flagship, the Night Jewel, and as he boarded it he seemed fell and lordly, even as a king of old.
And I said, ‘It is a fine ship, Mr Elessar! And truly have you done well, my friend. Pelargir is saved thanks to me and to you, and also we’ve freed all the slaves and killed all those awful Corsairs. Good work.’
And Mr Elessar said, ‘I thank you, my friend, Lord Tallow. And aye, it is a fine ship, but I could not have gotten it without you. But,’ he added additionally. ‘I am not Mr Elessar any longer.’
Then he took off his old hat and put on a big crown, with a green stone set into the centre of it. And he said, ‘I am Mr Elessar no more. Now, I am King Elessar.’
And everybody gasped aloud in shock loudly, for verily did Mr King Elessar now seem the very picture of a king, and also was it so that we all knew that the ancient prophecy had been fulfilled.
When the king crowned with green stone,
Comes unto Gondor to reclaim his throne.
Then will the dead rise from their bones,
And wicked men their end be shown.6
And also Mr Elessar turned around and raised the Last Ring, and sucked all the ghosts back into it. ‘But,’ he said, ‘Now that I know how to do that, maybe I’ll use them again later.’ And with Mr Elessar having finally accepted his kingly destiny, we set sail for Minas Tirith!
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1 I feel dutybound to assure any unhappy reader that has somehow reached this advanced point in the narrative that the break in chapter numbering is true to the source from which I worked. There is no sign of missing leaves from the tome, and in any case, the narrative clearly flows from chapters “13” to “19” without pause. I am this forced to conclude that this is an error from the error-prone hand of Nick Tallow, though I am at a loss to explain this particularly elementary failure.
2 I would ordinarily describe such exaggerations as being “poetic licence.” There is little in the credible sources to suggest that the Oathbreakers possessed much, if any, worldly might, their chief weapon being the terror that went before them. However, as Nick Tallow has never once demonstrated an aptitude for poetry, his departing from the facts here is merely a licence.
3 It is well attested that Pelargir was founded in S.A. 2350.
4 Though Tallow’s descriptions are both (as always) dreadfully tepid and a distressing mixture of fact and fantasy, it cannot be denied that he had some broad familiarity with the city of Pelargir. Much of what he writes is accurate, if garbled, and his bizarre decision to here halt the narrative in order to describe the city may well show that Tallow (ill-advisedly) considered himself something of an authority on Pelargir.
Particular attention should be paid to Tallow’s lingering upon the fashion and garb common of Pelargir. To this day, the bright and bold colours, cuts and fabrics of Pelargir fashion remain famed (or notorious) across Gondor and beyond, and it seems likely that Tallow developed a long-lasting affection for “the Pelargir style” of dress.
In those few post-War sources that detail Tallow’s appearance, special attention is often bestowed upon his ludicrous and flamboyant attire. It is my belief that Tallow adopted Pelargir fashions, and that though his mode of dress may have seemed comical to some in the North, his peacocking finery may well have also aided in convincing less learned folks of his lordliness. Nonetheless, not all were deceived by his affectations. Take for example this crude verse, scrawled in the margins of a tax ledger kept by the Buckland hobbits in Brandy Hall:
There once was a braggart named Tallow,
Whose complexion was exceedingly sallow.
His clothing was gaudy,
His tales often bawdy,
Though ladies of Bree deemed him fallow.
5 To those well versed in the lore of past days, it should be striking how close Nick Tallow’s account of the Retaking of Pelargir and the coming of King Elessar into his birthright hews to historical fact. As ever, Tallow can not help but insert himself into the action, and as ever, Tallow is wildly inaccurate or exaggerative in his descriptions. Yet the breaking of the Corsairs, the presence of (and terror caused by) the Oathbreakers, the pursuit to Pelargir from Linhir, and the capture of the Black Fleet is here told in a manner broadly congruent with the truth, and includes several minor details that reveal Tallow to have been well familiar with these events…certainly more so than he was with much that came to pass before or after the Siege of Gondor.
Tellingly, Tallow also places himself as being present at Pelargir. To be clear, the word of a swindler such as Tallow is worth little, yet I think it significant that these events are followed by Tallow - not the terrors and hardships experienced by the citizenry and soldiers of Minas Tirith, not the mighty ride of Thèoden Ednew’s host from Dunharrow to the Pelennor. Indeed, Tallow also omits entirely the Grey Company’s passage from Dunnarrow, speaking not of their passage through the mountains. Yet here, at Pelargir, Tallow claims to have been present, and demonstrates sufficient (if deeply flawed) knowledge of the events that passed there during the War.
Here, then, rests the crux of my argument. In this particular assertion, Tallow is not wholly false. It is my belief that Tallow was indeed present in Pelargir, and that Tallow did sail with the captured Black Fleet to Pelennor. Yet Tallow cannot have beheld the passage of the Grey Company to Pelargir. Hence, Tallow must already have been present in the city (or nearby) when it was initially overrun by the Corsairs of Umbar. He was likely held prisoner by the Corsairs, perhaps even being installed as a galley slave on one of their ships, and thus beheld from the harbour the coming of the Grey Company, and their rout of Mordor’s allies.
Then, Tallow already being caught up in the great events about him, I suggest that he accompanied the Fleet to Pelennor and to Minas Tirith, where he tarried until the end of the war.
There are, to be sure, few certain facts that lend certainty to this interpretation. Yet I find it eminently sensible, and that it fits Tallow’s supposed movements and deeds with a clarity that no other explanation can reach. I do not doubt that there may well be more to the story that will never be revealed, or that it is possible that I may have misjudged some piece of evidence. Yet in the absence of any better suggestion or any further study (and alas, I do not doubt that I am now the foremost authority on the sorry and sordid story of Nick Tallow), I see no better conclusion that can be drawn.
6 No such prophecy is attested. Nor does such a prophecy seem especially likely.
