The first thing I heard was the crashing of waves along the shoreline. The sound was hypnotizing but arrhythmic, no true pattern to be discerned as the ocean crests and falls. It soothes a longing in my soul. I heard the cries of seagulls as they flew overhead, sharp and piercing, but familiar.
I opened my eyes and found myself staring out at a vast sea. I was standing on the edge of the shoreline, bare feet being lapped by the waves as they ebbed and flowed with the tide. The sea-salt was acrid on my tongue and in my nose.
This was no ordinary dream, and I realized this when I turned to my right and saw Cuvallorn. He was not how I remembered him - his blonde hair was long and pulled back. He wore a loose white shirt and pants, the fabric billowing in the ocean breeze.
“Cuvallorn,” I said in surprise. I had not seen him in many years. Why would he come to me now, in a dream?
“I got your letter,” he replies, his tone ever mellow and methodical as a minstrel’s would be. “I thought this would be a faster way for us to speak. You worried me, you know - when you left to Evendim and were not heard from again.”
My lips twitch downward into a frown. “I did not mean to cause you worry. I thought it the best for myself if I were…”
I hesitate. I do not know how to finish the sentence.
“Free?” He offers. “You wanted to be free. To go off and to fight and protect as you wanted.” He pauses, his gaze turning away from mine as he looks out over the ocean. “I harbor no resentment over that decision. Just as I do not fault you for joining this… Company. Your life is not mine, nor will it ever be. Just as my life is not yours.”
“Does this mean you are turning down my proposal?” I ask. My tone is sharper than I intend. I must learn to temper my tongue when it comes to this subject. That is what led to the sundering of Mallossel and I, and he knew it.
“I have told you time and time again, Amathlan, that I am content in Imladris playing my music for those who abide there. Just as I was content in Eryn Lasgalen as a scholar, and just as I was in Nargothrond as a warrior.”
I bite my tongue at his reply. All is silent between us now as we look out over the ocean together.
“One day,” Cuvallorn says, after several minutes of this silence, “you and I will leave this place. Whether be it by sword, or ship, or by the release of our souls. When I was younger, I had hoped that you and I would leave together.”
“And now?” I ask, unsure if I truly want to know the answer.
“Mallossel and Cardanith leave to go East in a few weeks’ time. I will remain here. I am sure you will do what you think is best, as you always do,” he says in a tempered tone, his eyes never leaving the distant shoreline. I feel my heart lurch in my chest at knowing that Mallossel was not yet leaving these shores.
“Her? And Cardanith? They head east?” I repeat, but Cuvallorn does not answer. I know his words be true. If I were to leave from the Bree-lands now, I could catch them before they left Imladris and we could all go east together.
But…
I think of the Company. I think of the promise I made to Furley and Deorla. That I now answer to those other than myself, such as Kildwin and Altheric, and Amaken. I think of the friends I have made - Seregrian and Ithilwe and even Kavad. We are all to go west, to the Shire and then Celondim. We are not heading east until September. I would be too late.
Cuvallorn allows me my time to think, the only other audience to our discussion being the blue skies over the ocean and the gulls that cry ever on.
“...I cannot go east yet,” I eventually say, though it is with great reluctance and a heavy heart. “I have a duty to these I have met and forged bonds with. And if Mallossel remains, there will be a time we shall meet under the moon again.”
The minstrel does not speak, but his lips twitch upward in a smile that does not go unnoticed by me. The ocean ever calls us home, old friend, but home will have to wait.
