Found:
I have been grateful for Silver many times.
When we were still separate entities, she saved us. Again and again. She bore the pain so that we wouldn't have to. She walked through the world with confidence so that we needn't face its horrors. She got us out of far more trouble than she ever got us into.
I resented her cast-iron grip upon us, true. How she kept us from loving or being loved. How she prevented us from making any connections outside of business. But I was still grateful.
Since we merged, since we became one, I've found that I retain aspects of her and, again, I am grateful. Especially now.
These past weeks have been hard. The pain, the fear, the uncertainty, it all becomes one. A tight knot within my guts, a razor-edged sphere within my mind. It cuts. It constricts. It rips and tears, but I never bleed.
I don't have that luxury.
Now, there is more weight to it. More heft. More mass. More edges.
Rahvic is sick. Coughing up blood. Dernwynn has offered three scenarios. In all but one, he will die.
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. That's what I told him. He's taking the tonic she prepared in the hopes that the best case scenario proves true. One in three. There are worse odds. He will be staying in my spare room. I will take care of him as best I can. I will...
I'm going to lose my brother.
I've already lost Rowan, and now I shall lose Rahvic too.
The family that I chose for myself. Gone.
It was never for us to have.
Nothing is guaranteed, least of all life. Nothing is for sure. I can't know yet. Not yet. But it feels like...
I don't know what to do...
I must hold to hope. For Rahvic, for Rowan. He won't like it, but it must be done. I must wear Silver armour. What other choice do I have? To fall apart is not an option. To crack under the weight is not permissible. I need to be whole to take care of my brother. I need to be whole in case the one I love returns. I must be strong.
How strong is too strong?
There's no such thing.
