Kris sits by his fire alone, he can hear the men merrymaking at the camp. He shuts his weary eyes for a moment and thinks about his return. Wondering if everyone is alright. He knew Amanda would be able to handle herself, she had learned well. He thought about the others, Lady Ces could always be fine. She minds her own business. Gustine, well Gustine was one of the more tolerable of the new people he had met, she was a ray of sunshine a glimpse of what Bree should be. He thought of Theo, her annoying but loyal suitor. He couldn’t help but admire that about the hobbit, always following into danger with the sole purpose of seeing Gustine safe. He thought of the Mute boy and the dwarf, he hadn’t seen them for sometime. Then Dryn, he hoped he was there. Most likely he is keeping an eye on Amanda, it may help to speak with him. Then his eyes opened and he arched his brow a bit.
What if Brandilyn and Aeglorond are still around? He figured they would be, they live in Bree. He couldn’t stand to see them the more he thought. He still felt betrayed by both of them. He shakes his head and stands up, trying to shake such a feeling as betrayal away. He thought how weak that made him feel. Letting himself feel betrayed or hurt by something so emotional like losing someone you loved to a man you once respected. It was ridiculous, he had plenty of other things to concern himself with. He had no time to feel sorry for himself when he caused this. He pushed her away, but she had said she understood he had to take small steps. He felt suffocated by her and now he feels alone once again. Why did she say she understood him? Why did she lie to him? Why does he even care? He grumbled and sat back down, leaning back on a log. He shut his eyes, their last words weren’t pleasant. They most likely will stay away he thought. And if they don’t, he will just do as he always does. Block them out, easy enough. He had gotten very good with that over the years, blocking out the annoyances and thinking of only what needs to be done. As of right now, Bree needs to be a place of peace. That is what needs to be done and everything else is just a distraction. He didn’t want friends or any woman in his life, Everything is much simpler if he is alone. He sighs, proving his own point as he sits there working himself up over others feelings. On the outside, he can show no emotion and easily keep himself distant but inside his wall, he felt vulnerable to all the feelings that seems to leak through the cracks. He wishes for them to be happy, that is all. Some seem happier by his side and others seem happier away from him. Who is he to deny them their happiness? He strives for them to have peace and love in their lives. Amanda, she seems upset everytime He leaves but when they are together..she seems brighter by his side. Brandilyn has found happiness with another and as spiteful as he may feel about it, he also feels some relief in a way. She is happy and that is fine with him.
As he sat there wondering his first move he found himself get side tracked for a moment thinking of someone. Gwaedhiell, the little girl he had a crush on all those years ago. He wondered, what if she didn’t die. Where would he be? Back in Gondor perhaps, married? She offered him a chance to leave Bree with her and travel before her passing. He told her yes without hesitation. His life would be much different, he wouldn’t be here, he’d probably have children. No killing, less scars and a family. He arched his brow once again, something he didn’t deserve obviously if it was snatched away from him like that. It wasn’t meant to happen on his path. But in a way he is thankful, he has Amanda and Dryn. Where would they be if he had left? At that moment he realized somewhat that his presence wasn’t just a dark thing but perhaps some good has come out of it.
He layed himself down next to his sword, he looked over the scars in his arms as he laid there waiting for the fire to die. Once he knows Bree is safe and a place of peace. What if he just layed his sword down? Adopted Amanda, got a small home, some land. Maybe meet someone to share that life with. Waking up in the morning to cut wood and hunt, making trips to town to trade. Normal things, not wearing armor..not being armed heavily with weapons..not wearing a mask everywhere. Because he wouldn’t be ashamed of who he had become, he could cast the mask aside and live a new life. He looked his arms over still, finally his gaze staying on the brand on his left forearm. That’s right..He doesn’t deserve that sort of life. He hasn’t earned that, He promised He’d repent and protect the innocent of Bree-land. There is still plenty to do before he gets such stupid thoughts. Who does he think he is? Some lost soul, he knew what he did and it haunts him still. He needs to do this. He needed to shake these feelings before he returned or he may slip up. He sighed and sat up, looking over at the camp. Just a while longer and he will be back in Bree.
