Today was… something else.
This whole week has been, really. It started last weekend. I don’t remember it all, but I drank a lot. I vaguely remember kissing Seraden, passing out, and waking up to find that Ollena had had a huge fight with her father and been kicked out. It was…rough. Trying to comfort a girl with a splitting headache is difficult at best. Ash came home the next day, and I’ve never felt more like I was back home.
Most of the week was uneventful, until a couple days ago. I bumped into Ruevir out by Combe. The lass doesn’t trust me, for good reason. It wasn’t too long ago I offered her a drink, and when she refused, I completely went off. Laid her out and kissed her when I was done just to humiliate her. It was…wrong. Disgusting. I felt horrible when it was over. I’ve been trying to apologize for over a week, but I don’t expect it to have any effect. Not for a good while.
Anywho, I bumped into her in Combe. I wasn’t expecting much by way of conversation, but I stopped by to talk. I know I’m sneaky and all, but really… she was really focused. I startled her, and she repaid me by accusing me of sending a hooded man after her. She said that the man had tried to convince her to take credit for kidnapping Ollena, but she refused. So, I swore to her I’d look into it. I was relieved to hear that for the first time, it seemed that the interests of Ruevir, Ollena, and myself had finally aligned. Two days ago, Ollena got a letter, asking her to meet someone in a nearby town. I insisted I come along, as I had my suspicions that this robed man was making a move. The meeting was…. interesting, to say the least. There is a lot I could say, but It shall suffice to say that I was left with the feeling the man was deranged. He was convinced that Ruevir was some general of an army of dark forces, hell-bent on annihilating the Eastwood name. This was utterly absurd, but his admission that he had indeed followed Rue home and tried to break into her house after she declined an ‘alliance’ with him… terrified me. I could not let him do the same to Ollena. After she declined his offer, he asked me to ensure that Ruevir was off his back, and out of his way. I… accepted. For Ollena’s sake, I felt it was best that he believe at least one of us were on his side. He gave me a wolf cub, in exchange for the task. I… I still haven’t the foggiest id
I still have no idea how to care for this thing. She just spilled ink all over my diary. Lovely. I hunt for it every morning, and bring back a rabbit or some small game for her. She’s not big enough to hunt on her own, I don’t think. But she’s cute. And I’m keeping her either way.
Today, I planned on making a trip to visit Mr. Fiontann, whom I have been told is looking for this man. But…it got derailed by several things. Today, I sold Odelina’s old house. It…broke my heart, even if it was to Ollena. I’m sure Rhody and I would have cried about it for a while, if not for Cesistya arriving with some lenses for her to try out. I stormed out to catch Sera, and we went for a walk in the woods.
I don’t think people understand what I am. What I’ve done. I finally laid it out for her today. Two-hundred and fourteen. With my own hands, I have taken two hundred and fourteen lives. Many of them were bandits, brigands, unsavory characters. A lot of it has been in the defense of others. But not all of it. She asked what happened to me, what I’d been through. I told her. “I dared to love. Because I dared to love, I dared to hate. Because I dared to hate, I killed. It’s a slippery slope, and when you know what I know, and can do what I can do, the avalanche hits that much harder.”
We kissed. I don’t know how it went from that to that, but the moment was…tangible. I could feel it in the air. I started my day mourning one lost love, found a new one in the middle, and towards the end, found myself wishing I could mourn the first.
I don’t think, or write, of Briony much. It’s hard, when you have no memory of someone you must have loved so strongly, as to have been willing to kill armies, even friends, for them. But all I remember is the trauma, the horror of the killing, the war. The hatred I felt for this brigand captain. That’s not who I am anymore. That Carria died for her.
This Carria has everything she ever wanted. And wouldn’t trade it for any memory.
