This week has been marked with many small events.. Some good ones..and some bad ones.
The truth of my father is slowly relieving.. My friend Matheric has done some researching and has search the archives in Imladris.. The archives are quite protected, and is not everything you can get access too.. But somehow Matheric has managed to get some very important information, that may help me to understand what happened to my father..
He explained to me that my father had joined a militia as I suspected..It was more like a warband rather.. Matheric gave me a map over the Eregion area and pointed at some location where my fathers warband were headed..
In the archives it was explained that they were ambushed and routed, and they had to retreat north. Matheric explained, while he pointed on the map far north that this Warband did their last stand.
I could not quite believe what he said.. Their last stand..? I wanted to look for this information myself in this Archives. And Matheric told me that he would go back to Eregion again, and search for more clues..even if I could see in his eyes that he did not have too much hope..
My fathers sword and this informations slowly gives me answers what happened to him.. But since there is no proves that he is dead.. it may be hope..
Even if the news is quite dreadful.. I somehow feel a great relief inside, all I want is answers..The day I know what happened to my father I will be at peace...
Is odd how teared apart you can be inside, when you lose someone you love so much.. All my life I have been searching for my father.. A person I deep inside know is not alive anymore...
When you have experienced a few losses in your life, it does change something deep inside you..Some people says it only makes you stronger.. Maybe they are right.. But for me it has only made me more protective, more distant, and colder maybe, and it may make me appears stronger because few things affect me.. But the truth is that I am very afraid to trust someone again, and love someone again.. I cannot get to close to someone again, even if I really want..
Oh well..This night I will play some music.. With friends infact, not The Shades this time, but good friends..It will make me happy..
