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When you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves!



"When you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."

My mother always said.

 

It was never come to my mind what would it mean till now.

 

I feel gushed by the chance I will be wife of a man I hardly know, man I now deviously despise with all my body and heart. Nothing of Deodras words can sooth me to accept this as my destiny, my life. How one can get down with this ideas? To fall so low, uninterested in what is most valuable in world. The love.

 

He has no love, he wouldn't do this if he had a crumb of love in his heart. Northom damned you be if you force me to this. I cant let my family fall in despair, and it seems he knew that well. Truth be, I dont know who I hate more, my father who lost lands in game of dice or Northom who used that as opportunity to force me into a marriage.

 

Maybe Deorda has right, maybe father aggreed with the man, as he agreed half of season with that Mill owner. Simply selling me for free mill of our wheat. Is he sick? I remember my mothers face when she heard of it. She was strong minded and by her strength I was freed of engagements. 

Now again. What should I do? Deorda thinks its a bit of a romantic, saying why would he choose me if he didn't watch me from distance and unable to do anything he chose to force me into it?

 

Ynel said he was happy. I deem he was happy as any merchant who got a good deal. Not out of great love. 

Here I sit at the window, writing this on the last light of the day. Lamplighter is walking trough street with his long sick and lights the street lamps.

 

I need to rest, I need an ale.

 

I fear, I need an ale too often to calm my nerves. I don't want to end up as my father.

 

Romiley..she gave me this diary, an gift I think she gave out of love toward me. I am tempted but if I ever tempt myself further it will be under shade of night, so no one can see it.