Daigan's book, entry '3'

''I woke up once more, bathing in sweat. They just brought me breakfast and told me to relax for a bit, we wouldn't be leaving for a while. I asked him why, but he just walked away. What was going on? This was the first time they didn't tell me to make haste. Something must have happened last night, but what? If we were discovered, they would've woken me up when I slept. It just doesn't make sense, not to mention the silence within the group. I hate it! No one sits down to chat with me. I'd like to know about them, who they are, if they realised they were risking their lives for me. They just keep silent, other from the brief words of conversation I have with the leader, but that's just to tell me what is happening or when we're leaving. My nightmares. They seem so real. Every night it's the same damn nightmare, and I can never save him. It is Erian that appears in them. He and I are strolling around the marketplace back in Minas Tirith, and when I turn my head away from him for just a second, he's gone. I look everywhere, try to keep my focus on him during the entire dream, but I always seem to lose him. Is this the suffering I will endure for the rest of my life, for his death? I've already blamed myself for so long, but should I have kept him from his real parents? It isn't fair... It just isn't fair. They told me we're leaving in a bit, and that I should get ready. One day I'll find out who these men are. I'll find out how their faces look behind those masks. I question myself why I ever decided to partake in this journey. It's not about the gold, or about the adventure. What is it about then? I don't know.. It's like I don't know myself anymore.''