Halsarn
Halsarn.Still to this day I remember the first time I saw him.He had just been hired on by the Company by our second in command.It was only the women of the Dawn that day around the usual table in the Tavern.I had sat quiet with my ale, only listening in every now and then. Mostly my mind wandered and so did my eyes as I watched the other patrons. The women of the Dawn did not interest me in the least.Wicked wenches that only invited me to sit with them because I was the leutenants woman.I knew that, but I did not care.They meant nothing to me.
And that's when Halsarn had walked up to the table to talk to the second in command. She was obiously impressed by him and hired him on. Oh, he had great credentials, I do not doubt that at all, but he was a nasty man.Arrogant and rude as I have ever seen.He had taken a look around the table at all the women and his face changed as if he had just swallowed a sour berry.It was quite obvious he did not care for women as mercenaries..I remember thinking that I hoped the man didn't have a poor wife somewhere.
You should have seen the other women though! Oh the swooning had started as soon as he had been hired on, and so did the flutter of lashes and poorly hidden invitations for him to share their bed. Pathetic it was. I had turned my head away from it, not wanting any part of it.Man as he was though, he took one of them up on the offer of being shown the Hall.I still to this day think that he was shown more than that!
The second time I met him I came to the Hall only to find it almost empty, apart from him.He stood watching a tapestry on the wall, and I felt obliged to atleast greet the man. I introduced myself to him and he looked at me, his eyes showing no emotion.This I learned later to be his usual look, not often did his eyes betray what he was thinking, and his speech was awkward.Short and to the point.No fancy words unnessesary thrown about.
To my surprise we did end up having a nice conversation, and I found myself thinking that he might not be half as bad as I first had thought. Or maybe he just treated me differently than the others for the simple fact that I kept from giving him subtle hints about bedding me.
Third time I encountered him was when we went to that forsaken Orc camp, and I was under his and Geirdrifa's protection.He was an able fighter, no doubt of that, and was also an able planner.Knowing his own skills and ability to foresee what the enemy would do.I was quite impressed by that, but mostly I was impressed that he did not let anyone tell him what to do.Not even the leutenants of the Company could sway him if he didn't agree with their decisions. He was like a cat.Free to roam where he wanted to, and only accompany you if he found your company pleasing at the moment.
This mission proved to be the beginning of a great friendship with him.More than often I found myself seeking out his company. Many times we sat and talked,him sharing stories about some of the battles he had been in, talking about the men he had fought side by side with.Those times I had studied him more closely.Taking notice of the brown hair that had turned a hue lighter from the sun, the eyes who never showed emotion but had a set of fine lines in the corners.He was an ordinary looking man, but there was something else about him.
Maybe it was the first time I noticed his eyes change? He had looked at me for a moment and suddenly I saw a quickly fleeting softness in them.I had no seen that look before but after that time, I saw it again.Noticed how he sometimes studied me and the softness was once more back in them.
Then, he had asked me to accompany him for a walk, he had something to talk to me about.To this day I remember how my heart started to beat faster, wondering what he might want to talk to me about.
He had stopped and looked at me and I could see that the words did not come easy to him. For once this warrior was struggling.Finally he had told me that he had to leave, but that he would return, and when he did, would I go with him?
He knew by then that I struggled in my relationship with Fiontann and that it was close to come to an end.He told me that it needed to end it before something new could be started and was I interested in going with him when this was done? Or had he read me wrong?
I had shook my head and told him that he was correct. I wanted to.He had won my heart.This sour looking, seasoned warrior, quite a bit older than myself, had made my heart soften and favor him.I remember telling him that I would go with him upon his return ,and the look in his eyes had once again softened when he took me in his arms and kissed me for a long time.And without a word, he let me go and walked down the hill.He was gone.
The day he returned I remember as it would have been yesterday.The summer had passed and the leaves on the trees were red and golden, the air was crisp and clear.Still I had decided to leave the beautiful day behind and had stepped into the Pony, not knowing the commotion that lay in the near future.
Oh I was at fault there. I know that. I had done wrong and now the time had come to pay for it.
Maybe I need to go back in time, to shortly explain what I had happened when Halsarn was gone.
He was gone longer than I had thought, and in my inexperience at that time I had thought he would return soon, not knowing the distance to Gondor or the dangers on the roads to get there.I had kept myself busy with Geirdrifa and my newly found friends and taking contracts.One contract that had been dismissed by the Dawn, I picked up myself. He was another member of the Dawn and a friend of mine, and I wanted to help him out. Good coin it was aswell.
During this contract I came in contact with a man called Oldur. Even as I write this a smile come upon my face.That man is something out of the ordinary, and I still to this day don't know what it was that drew me in with him. Maybe because he was outspoken and blunt to a fault? That he did not care what others thought of him? ( which was mostly not good things).That he made me laugh til my stomach hurt?That I enjoyed beating him in dice?
To make things short, I started a relationship with him, and this would turn out to be what the commotion would be about that day at the Pony.
As I was saying, I stepped into the Pony that day and quickly ordered myself an ale and walked towards Geirdrifa and a man that stood with him.Reaching them I almost dropped the tankard! It was Halsarn! He had returned.And in his usual awkward way, I think he gave me a compliment." You don't look fat". Yes. That is what he said.Any other woman would probably have slapped him for it, but I knew him better, and remember smiling at him, for once not finding words.
Then, a heavy hand had landed on my shoulder and I heard Oldurs voice, grumpily glaring at Halsarn and telling him to leave his woman alone.I remember seeing the look in Halsarns eyes and I will never forget it as long as I live.It will forever haunt me.What happened after that is still a blurr in my mind, but fists were flying and punches dealt.All I remember is standing with Geirdrifa, becoming more and more drunk as I let the ales come my way.I had even bet coins on the fight I heard afterwards.As I said, I act first and think later.
This was the beginning of yet another end.Oldur grew angrier by the day until the day came when he openly accused me of cheating on him and marsched out of the house, leaving it for good.That was not the truth.I never did.And now he was gone.
I had heard that Halsarn lived in one of the camps outside of town, and I went to seek him out. I needed to explain myself to him as best as I could.I found him and it took me hard work and many hours of explaining before he even seemed to pay attention to what I had to say.He did speak himself aswell, but of all the words he told me, there is only a few I remember now. " I only came back for you". That's what he said, the hurt in his voice unmistakeable.That is when I realised that he had truly loved me the day he had to leave, and the pain I had caused him wasn't going to be easily repaired.
I am struggling to write this. My heart has been in turmoil for so long and regret is eating at my conscience, but I need to pen it down, need to unburden my heart.
I have to make it short. This story is already going on for long, and could be much longer, but my heart is not strong enough to continue.
I had offered him to stay at my house instead of this dreadful camp and he took me up on the offer.Slowly and steady we started to build from where we left off, and somehow he managed in his heart to forgive me, but I know he never forgot.We were getting closer and closer again and old feelings got awakened anew and when the time felt right, I gave myself to him.
Here the ink stops, only to be taken up at a later time.The slightly lighter color of the ink suggests the ink well must have been low when the last words were added.
I will not dwell on this, I have been going on for too long as is.I need to make this short, or I fear my heart would break beyond repair.
The next day he was gone.And I know it was for forever.I had hurt him too much and with that regret I have to live until the end of my days, wondering what could have been...
