A lot has happened of late. It is difficult to order my tired mind, but I find that writing helps me to do so in such overwhelming times and thus I shall try to do just that.
Firstly, my location has been discovered by yet another stranger. A ranger, in fact, named Athanulas. He came across me here and started asking questions; none of which I was inclined to answer. What business is it of his why I am here and who I am? His appearance made me nervous and I begin to feel that it is folly to stay much longer. This place, as beautiful as it is, has served its purpose. It kept me sheltered for a while. With so many passing by, so many learning of my being here, I feel it is only a matter of time before word gets back to those who seek me.
Daigan, upon hearing of my worries, agreed that it is time for me to move on. He put much effort into convincing me to return to my former abode in the Homesteads. He plans to seek the men who are after me, the ones from my past, and put an end to the threat they pose. It took some doing, but I convinced him not to kill them. They may deserve that and far worse in other peoples eyes, but I firmly believe that murder is not the solution to this problem. I will not have their blood on my hands which is precisely what it will be should they be slain in my name. Vengeance is an ugly, destructive cycle and I will have no part of it! He promised, though, that they would be taken to a courthouse for sentencing and jail, a prospect which pleases me, and so I told him that once such a thing occured I would return to Lislow.
Even the best laid plans can turn sour, however.
Baecere found me here. At first I was scared. All I saw beneath the dim light of the stars was a big man all in armour and I thought that perhaps Drevorin had discovered my involvement with his enemy and come to find me. So I ran. It did not take him long to catch up to me, though, and I soon found myself clutched in a grip from which I could not struggle free. To my shame, it took me a goodly while indeed to realise that this man was no threat but was, instead, the only person I trust.
I did not realise just how much I had missed him! I felt like crying, so happy was I to see him again. He always instills in me a sense of awe and safety, as if whilst he is near there is nothing in the world that could bring me harm. It is a temporary feeling, though; it leaves when he does.
We spoke for some time about what we had both been doing. He was less than pleased to hear that I had been associating with him, but after extracting a promise that I would go straight to him should I be harmed in any way, he let that subject lie.
He told me a little of his travels, of how he and Selestryn are very happy together. I am glad for him. He deserves every joy that he can find and then more. It does change things for me, however.
I have only met the lady in question once. Baecere brought her to the house shortly before he departed on his journey. She seemed nice enough and yet the way she looked at me, spoke about me as if I were not in the room, made me feel very unwelcome indeed. Now Baecere is throwing words like "marriage" and "children" around, making plans for the future in the hopes that everything works out between the pair. I support him wholly in this for his happiness means a great deal to me, but it does mean that I cannnot take up residence in his spare room once more. I would only be in the way and that I do not want. I think a part of him, at least, is happy that I left when he did although he would never admit it.
So, I cannot stay in these woods and I cannot go back to Baecere's house. The island in the northern lake that I had previously considered seems to have been invaded by some rather hostile turtles, at least according to Baradar, so I must suppose that place is out of the question now too. That leaves me with one last option: an offer I recieved some time ago. Reluctant as I was to take it back then, now I find it very appealing.
Thus will I pack my few things and depart from here. I shall trade Bree-land, my lifelong home, for pastures new; the Shire. I shall trade my hard, cold rock with its bushy windbreak for a real bed and earthen walls. It will be safer there and more peaceful. Baradar tells me that he rarely visits that house, so I shall be alone much of the time unless those few who know me decide to travel such a lengthy distance to visit me.
There is but one last thing to do before I depart. I must wait on the arrival of him.
He told me that he shall be gone for a few days for there is business for him to attend to back in Bree. If I am gone when he returns here, he will most likely think that Drevorin has found me. Upon checking the island where I told him I would go should that occur, he will believe me dead. This I do not want. I will not decieve him so, nor will I go without saying goodbye.
Under the encouragement of some few of those who visit me, I have also decided to speak to him of my feelings. Given that I am leaving and that I sincerely doubt he will travel so far just to see me, I cannot see what harm it will do. Yes, he will laugh at me. Yes, I will no doubt be the object of his scorn for years to come and I am certain that he will reject me in the harshest of ways, but I am unlikely to see him again even if I keep this knowledge to myself. What have I to lose?
