A Wrecked Room.

Rarely do Estarfin and I argue. We disagree, of course, and on several matters, but we trust each other, and can usually reconcile any issue through talking together. I trust him. But sadly there have been times when I have inadvertently hurt him. It has never, ever been something deliberate, for he means more to me than my very life. I hope, I believe, he understands that. 

The present issue aside, I recall past occasions. We have only been in each others company again for the blink of an eye...a little over twelve years? I remember the first time I hurt him, though I saw him not for many days after the event. (I knocked him into the ground in a training session, though it was more a strange stoke of fortune that he did not defeat me.) * It was not the fight that did the damage, for he had been trying to help me improve my fighting skills before we headed to Dol Guldur, rather that he believed I had spoken afterwards with Sogadan the Vintner, and told him malicious untruths. 

We were, both of us, quite physically injured from that 'training session' in Imladris. Battered and bruised. I was angry with myself for what I had done to him. I dare to think he felt the same concerning me. So I sent a message with our mutual friend, Parnard. It was possibly a little sharper than I intended though any anger was aimed at myself.

And Parnard  later told me of what he found. Estarfin had apparently destroyed his room, smashing furniture and bottles alike in his frustration. He had tried to be civil and courteous to Parnard, inviting him in for a drink, but our friend had been taken aback at the sight that befell him and was more than a little concerned.

We both kept a distance after that, and it was not until we finally spoke openly at Ered Eregion that we both reached understanding. Never was it I who had started rumours about him. Never will it be.

I was deeply self-wounded by what happened, in heart and far more than any sword could do. If he hurts, I hurt.  Now I am again in agony, that my folly has caused him pain, and this so close to when we plan to wed.

* A Hard Lesson by Estarfin

Picture by Estarfin