Putting the finishing touches on the carefully ascribed letter Guri, felt free, as if the worst few days of her life were behind her now. She hated confrontation but the words once placed on the page were indelible, they formed a permanence, long unsaid words freeing her of the their weight importance.
Rereading it one last time it says:
Deorla.
I hope you are well. In truth, I have been better, and my life has spun out of control these last few days. Sleep eludes me and I have been at odds with those I love. It is my own fault and took much soul searching to realize why I am so miserable. I hope you do not see what I am about to say as an affront, but these things need clearing up.
I felt trapped when you asked me to go to secure the lumber and did in fact try to speak up and say so several times. I realize you needed someone to do it, especially now, but did not listen hard enough to my heart to defy you and refuse. Imagine, though I know you are a braver soul than I, being interrogated about you by an angry mob of rangers, and one very stern agent of the King. What was I say? I did not lie to cover for you, of that much you can be certain.
For the details I will let Alairif, explain should you need them. But suffice it to say I compel you to atone for whatever happened. I can see you try, but our pasts shape us and make us who we are. You are, however, good-hearted and generous and have tried to change, but facing what you were seems very important to some people. People I am not sure, not even you, can elude, this time.
You also need to let the kin know. While some do and are aware of what you and Mowine have done, seem to remain unaware. They have a right to know and decide what is best for them. Many love you and could not think that is a reason to leave, in part because you have tried to change. I will remind you I have not, and while I might be the most vocal about your past deeds, Alairif knows too, and it troubles him.
The kin. Collectively they deserve your ugly truths. They need to see you both for what you were and who you are now. There are many wise people among us and many who want good in the world. This world almost shattered, and we now are on a boulder strewn path uphill.
Whether we can reach the apex will depend on aligning yourself with how YOU envision yourself and the world to be. Is it dark or evil? Change it! Is it ambivalent? Show them light. Or leave them all, those you promise to care about and dodge the rain of fire. They deserve light. Do good work, give things to others, freely because you want to. Make it so they do not worry what lives were harmed in the getting of gold or treasure.
About the Tavern/Kinhouse, I must sadly say I cannot accept it. Considering it is Mow’s I see it bought with blood money and ill gotten. In time I will buy my own, that has no shadow or past and will open it to any others including the kin. I know it is a grand offer, and I hope you understand, but in a good conscience I cannot use it.
Finally, should you wish it, I can step down or leave the kin entirely. It is your kin, your prerogative, and unlike others I am perhaps not the best fit. I will not leave myself, as I still have hope you will explain your past to us and if hope glimmers, I shall stay. I will not run your errands or work for the shady sides of your dealings. I will work on things to make this kin better. I will not speak out against you, though it is perhaps too late. They know. I will not lie to cover for you and will tell them the deserved truth. Perhaps it will set you free.
Guriwen
Folding it after it is carefully dry, she seals it in wax and walks over the the kin house, setting it on Deorla's desk upstairs. Once it lies there, the possibilities float in her mind. Shaking her head, chasing doubts away, Alairif's words fill her mind, "You have to speak up!" She returns home, and sits under the huge trees in her garden, there is work to do, songs to write. Hopefully not dirges but one never knows.
