If anyone were to discover this diary entry, something about it might be peculiar. Very strangely, the names of the two Harrow twins have been swapped. It is clear, but then again, it is unlikely this entry was supposed to be seen by anyone who was not the owner, as the writer has passed away...
Today I was treated to the delight of recalling that I am yet another year older when my youngest brought me breakfast in bed, at nearly noon. I should be happy that I am so old, that I've made it this long, but I can't escape from the looming darkness over the horizon. I feel weak, like I will fade away before too long. I hope to hold on to my years as long as I can. I want to live to see Lykon and Selkmyre grow to be strong, married and happy young men.
I must admit it bothers me, though I wish it didn’t, that my son Selkmyre Lykon still cannot speak at nearly twenty. His brother used to spend hours trying to teach him. Ah well, it could certainly be worse. He is silent, but strong and confident. He never argues, and seems to put his loyalty to family first. Lykon Selkmyre…requires some handling sometimes, but has the same loyalty. Though I do feel some guilt for what I’ve done.
I’ve noted that since we adopted Serithia when her parents Braun and Saela perished, she and Selkmyre Lykon have stopped speaking almost entirely. They were so close. I do believe I misread their relationship, and Selkmyre Lykon cares too much about all of us to say anything, but perhaps they were closer than just friends. By now it may be too late to disown her anyhow, I hope, for all of our sake, if he was as rambunctious with her as I was with my first wife, he did not heavy her with child.
Though he seems alright, I can tell he is in pain. Son, if you read this and I am right, I’m sorry. I fear I took something from you that I don’t know if I have the time to give back. But I hope by my passing, you have recovered and live happily. Please remember not to abandon a love that you may yet find simply because you lost one. If the world is not cruel though, I hope this wrong can be righted some day, whether I am alive or not.
Sinmeera is well, and will make a full recovery from her illness. This is good, for I do believe at her age other noble families are going to want her wedded before long. She is beautiful as her mother, and will make a fine one of her own. If I taught nothing else to my children, it is that caring for your family is the most important thing. She is a kind and caring soul, and I know her brothers will protect her from a poor match.
Kuthera still loves me the same as she always has. I don’t know how I got so lucky as to be with someone so wondrous. Despite our differences, she loves me and my children, she loves the house and life I provide for her. I hope wherever eternity goes, she is there too.
Look at me, once so ambitious and free willed, dominant in my field and house stature, wealthy and cold about matters of love and life. I drank, I swindled, I rode roughshod over my destiny. Now I am so tamed, so beholden to these people I once thought were so useless and weak. Strength really does come from love. I wish my mother were alive to see me understand that message.
Bah, my fingers are aching, and the goddess, my wife, beckons. I shall retire this entry.
