The days seems quite brighter now, ever since I said farewell to my father, and had the little ceremony in Eregion I have felt peace.. Is like a heavy burden has dissapeared..
I even changed my black dress, to a white one.. I do not know if it suits me better but I have decided to not look back anymore, but look at the future.. I have done some some small changes outwards and in the inside, small changes that slowly starts to make me calm and harmonic inside.
For so many years I have wasted my life on my father, my deep dark thoughts has ruined my happiness.. And for years and years I have let myself longs for someone that is not amongst us anymore..my silly hopes stopped me for continuing my life, and my silly dreams has shadowed all the good things in my life....
And why have I done this..? I have so much to live for.. My dear beautiful daughter Welin, my music and The Shades, my friends and my lovely house in Arwich..Is all wonderful pieces that could have made me completly happy if I would let them..
And Linrond that in so many years has waited patiencely on me..
I never really understood why he loved this gloomy lady in this black dress..that has so many dark thoughts and that has neglected his attempts to get close to her..over and over again.. This Lady called Achazia.. myself..
I will now be more open.. And I will stop hiding in my house, I will play my music and take care of my friends and those I love.. I even played with the Shades yesterday.. And next week I will do something I haven't done for a long long time.. I will aid my friends to a journey eastward.. I want to prove my own worth and see if I can contribute in this times of war.. My life should not be based on dreams and sorrows, and I must stop dwelling in the past. I must look at the future..I have so many things to live for..
