Found:
Too much. It's too much for one day! I don't... I can't...
I woke up, I dressed, I cleaned a little, saw to Steel's comforts and returned indoors to make breakfast. That's when the complications started.
Loakee arrived, frozen and hungover, looking like he'd slept in a hedge. The smells of bacon and eggs had brought him to my door. Naturally, I invited him in, gave him a blanket to warm up and fixed him some tea and breakfast.
I don't know how it came up. I don't remember now. I just know that he mentioned Taala telling him that I was off-limits as my heart belonged to another. It's not a lie as such, but nor is it quite the truth. I set him straight, gave him an abridged version of my association with Rhaug. It was hard. It was so hard to admit aloud just how much our last encounter scared me but.... I think he understood. Before he left, the man bloody well kissed me! I'd think nothing of it; he is as I used to be, after all. The teasing kisses he placed to my neck were neither here nor there. That's just him seeing how much he can get away with! 'Tis the kiss to the lips that bothers me so. It was not lustful or passionate. It was not long or wanting. It was... soft, gentle and brief, almost affectionate.
I really wish he hadn't done that!
After he departed, I went to see Owena, to apologise for upsetting her. As it turns out, my antics with the Good Maiden Loakee in the garden weren't all I had to explain to her! Someone told her that they had seen Loakee and I kissing in the garden. And yes, I suppose in a way that's true, but for goodness sake, that kiss was to the cheek only! I couldn't bring myself to tell her about the one I'd received this morning.
Dammit!
Apologies done, some form of understanding reached and, what should come next but her asking if I have feelings for him?! How am I supposed to answer that? What was I supposed to say? How do I explain that I know his type because I am his type and that feelings... just... I can't let myself have them! I can't allow that! Especially not when someone I would like to think of as a friend harbours such desires for him. I just...
As if that wasn't bad enough, I was then called upon to recount my disastrous failed relationship with Eordion. A failure that wounded me so deeply that...
By Morgoth's bloody loincloth!
By that point I was fighting hard not to march into the Wolf and down a bottle of whisky!
It was a close call.
I went back inside the bakery. The question of my family came up. I wouldn't answer that one. Too complicated. And then.... Haritha. Was it a throwaway comment? A tease? Or was she stating a fact? Is Owena in love with Loakee? I knew she cared about him but love? Love... complicates it all so much more!
I need to think about this. I need to decide what to do. I have to find a way to....
I'm going to go to the Wolf, drink as much whisky as I can handle without vomiting and swivel upon the stick of the nearest willing man!
It better not end up being Loakee!
