CHAPTER FOUR: ON FEEDING A DWARF
Inviting a Dwarf to eat, or drink, or eat and drink, with you is a daunting task. It should be attempted only by the well experienced and acquainted. To satisfy the hunger of a Dwarf, and give good company as a host, is no simply task.
When deciding on a fitting meal, one should take into account the length of a Dwarf’s beard. I have come to learn of another outlandish tradition: the longer the Dwarf’s beard, the more prestigious he is. Another oddity to tolerate and embrace.
If the Dwarf’s beard is of a length that exceeds his chest, then a large feast is in order – otherwise, any beard smaller requires only a normal meal. Make a note of this, so that you do not prepare too much, but also do not offend.
In regards to drinks, I have found that Dwarves prefer thick, hearty brews of the stronger variety. While a tea, thin brandy, or even a bottle of vintage wine may be appropriate for a visiting relation, these, to a Dwarf, are foreign. Any Hobbit seeking to find the best drink for the situation should look to acquiring some form of ale, beer, or a thick mixture of brandy and another brew.
As a host, it seems as though it is almost expected of you to simply eat with, and not serve, a Dwarf. There are few familiar etiquettes, and I have discovered, in many such encounters, that it is best to remain passive: do not offer food. Simply produce it, and allow the Dwarf to choose and take as he pleases.
In closing such a meal, whenever it is due time for a Dwarf to take his leave, you must remember to end on your right foot, if you escort them to your door. Do not exit your home when they do, for this will offend Dwarven tradition. End by simply saying, ‘Farewell’, perhaps offering the Dwarf the opportunity to return at a later date, if you find that you have been drawn into what may become a common occurrence.
The final, arguably most difficult, task of any Hobbit seeking to gain more experience with these outlandish people, is to enter into a mutual partnership – even friendship.
