I told him I wanted the danger, the fiery thrill of being with Gorlen nearly turned to ash last night when he was almost killed. No glorious battle, no desperate rescue attempt but from a stab in the back from some scumbag robber. I was at my room when my brother came to get me and the rest was a blur of panic. I remember racing down the stairs and yelling at Dristin but what I recall most was the pallor on Gorlen's handsome face and the blood. All the blood in the grass on on the back of his tunic. His blood, his life draining out. I never knew fear like that. Even when I was taken by bandits it was not this sharp, this real. I wanted to stay next to him and run away for help, or just run away so I could not see the spark go out of those dancing amber eyes. I acted as a silly girl but the claws of panic dug in deep and I owe Dristin an apology for he likely saved Gorlen's life, both by fighting off the brigand and cauterizing the wound.
They took him to the infirmary and I could hardly watch the healer do her best to fix him up. Corrben was there and despite his dislike of my lover and the Bloody Dawn, he did stand by me. He told me he knew about the Shire and that he would try to be less antagonistic for my sake. I hugged him then, clinging to my big brother the way I did when I was a child and frightened of ghost stories and the sound of wolves howling. I didn't realize how much I missed him because of all of our fighting but perhaps things will get better.
I'm writing this sitting in the chair in my room, watching Gorlen sleep in the bed. I've been tending to him since they moved him here. Nothing gives me more comfort than to know I can ease his pain or hunger or just be there to curl up next to him. I think it's a comfort for him to have me there, I could never let him face it alone. I know he's in pain and it hurts me to see it. Willowbark tea only takes the edge off and it will be some time before he's healed. Gorlen seems angry at himself at times, for letting his guard down but to me it is not a fault of his own.
He asked me if being with him was worth this stress and the danger. I just kissed him. I love him and everything that comes with that. He's a good man, even if he thinks whatever he's done in the past has tainted him, it doesn't change his heart. The danger is part of life and though I fear the day that might come when he does not return to me, the crush of pain my heart will endure. I told him that I would rather live with the burden of grief than to give up whatever time I might be granted with him at my side.
